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The crisis of overworking men

April 27, 2010

I posted a quote on the Bible page and various other pages and it attracted more than 1,000 comments and some very strong negative, defensive reactions and some in complete agreement.  It was titled, The Crisis of Overworking Men:

‘Why are so many Christian men overworking and undercaring for their wives and children? The time has come for us men to examine what is really important in life: our work or our wife? Ephesians 5:25-31,33 A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body.

Everywhere I look I see this pattern of men getting distracted, getting their priorities all wrong when making their main focus not their wives and children but work, whether paid or not.  And this is really really bothering me.

This is not just limited to men, of course woman struggle with this overwork issue as well, but right now I am turning my attention to my fellow men.

And I completely understand the need to work, to bring in money for the family – this needs to happen!  But I see men take high pressured, time hungry jobs that consume their thoughts even when they are not at work, just so they can have a nice house and/or car.

And in the midst of this driven, high pressured environment their relationships with their kids and wives suffer.

Ephesians 5:25-31,33 says: A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. Our wife and kids should be the priority in our lives, and yes we need to be part of providing for them, but also we need to spend more time with them, playing with them, listening (no really listening), reading them stories, going on walks, playing games and lots and lots of laughter.

This has got me really stirred up..  really bothered by this.  What do you think?  Would love to read your comment below.

God bless ya,

Mark Brown

http://twitter.com/RevMarkB

http://www.facebook.com/MarkBrown.page

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146 Comments
  1. JOEL CADENHEAD permalink

    I AGREE TOTALLY. I STOPPED WORKING THE OVERTIME BECAUSE THE TIME WITH FAMILY IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAT THE MONEY. WE (MY WIFE AND I) DECIDED THAT WE DO WITHOUT SOME MATERIAL THINGS AND FOCUS ON FAMILY. WHAT A BLESSING IT TURNED OUT TO BE. THANKS

    • KitsuSan permalink

      Oh Joel,
      Everybody is so happy for you cause made a choice to stop doing over time… That’s just so special of you.

      What about the guy that works regular hours but has to take a night dishwashing job just to put food on the table. The family aleady gets their used clothes from the church they attend. The get food from the mission.
      They respectfully give thanks to GOD for each meal. They live in fear of eviction from their rundown apartment.
      Yes, thats right Joely buddy.. those conditions do exsist.
      So where is this families blessings… who are all these people that they think they know enough to judge?!!!!

      Have Blessed Day!

  2. Becky French permalink

    I agree. And thank you. This seems to be what we fight about most. My husband’s boss wants him to do things for work on our time and without extra pay. I know he’s tired when he comes home, but we all deserves some time with him. All he wants to do is play a computer game and ignore us.

    • Angela Brydon permalink

      hi Becky

      sounds very similair to my own situation! Very often my husband will get delayed at work sometimes delayed by management who just want a chat or by helping the night shift that follows if there is an issue! He works 12 hour shifts so even just 30 mins extra makes an incredible difference to when he gets home. Also he is very much distracted by computer games – in the evening and on his days off.

      However in his defence he is starting to improve the other evening on arrival home he got our son out of the bath and ready for bed. And on recent days off did some jobs around the house but also a fair amount of time was spent socialising and on the PC!!

      So I also agree with Mark that mens priorities need adjusting!

      God Bless

      Angela

      • KitsuSan permalink

        Angela,
        Are the man’s priorties clear in his mind or your’s?
        Has the wives of these “over worked” told them that they are willing to do with out the clothes from walmart and that she’ll shop at the salvation army instead?
        Has the wife said she would drive an older less attractive car to the daycare. How about rice & beans instead of steak and potatoes!!
        It’s seems so easy to respond when you KNOW IT ALL right?
        Well you don’t know the truth behind each story.
        May GOD have mercy on you soul.

    • KitsuSan permalink

      Becky,
      Why don’t you be honest with your self.
      It’s not the work that’s the problem.
      Both of need to turn off the stupid computer!
      You’re Blogging!! He’s gaming!! Don’t be such a Hypocrit(sp)
      Both of you need to shut off the machines and open the Word of GOD (the Bible)

      may you walk with a joyful heart.

  3. Sandie Kindred permalink

    I agree with you completely. When we as men and women of God realize He and He alone assigned and designed specific roles for each, then we will better understand the responsibility God has placed upon the man. We as women will never be required by God to answer in this area. Unfortunately and IMHO only, too many of the “men” in our churches don’t seem to place a priority on the leadership role. They passivily sit by and seem content to “permit” the woman to do what he alone was created for! The man has the sole responsibility & will stand before God and give an accont for how he loved and led his family. Most women have not a clue as to what blessings await them if only they would follow the submissve and onedience role He created them for!.

  4. Mark,
    I hear what you are saying, but I know a lot of people right now who have no choice but to work almost every waking moment, not for “extras” cars, homes, etc…but just to keep living indoors. In Michigan right now, one in ten households are in foreclosure and nearly one third of the home owners owe more than their homes are worth. Sure there are a lot of men out there who’s priorities are messed up in this regard, but what I’m seeing is a lot of folks struggling, and loosing the battle, they are doing all they can just to survive. So be careful not to judge too harshly when you see someone who appears to be working too much, their motivations may be far different than you might think.
    Have a great week and thanks for what you do!
    Randy

    • Venita permalink

      From Michigan and one of the worst counties to be in for work. I can’t find work, our daughter and her husband moved back in with us to keep a roof over their heads, and they are helping to pay bills to keep our house. We owe more than it is worth, and my husband had to take a pay cut to keep the company in business. IT IS TOUGH right now. Both my husband and son-in-law work all the hours they can, and we are trying to start a second business – just to pay bills! It is really hard on the men and the women and children who miss them. We are working on the togetherness, knowing that is a priority also. We must also remember, God will provide the things we truly need. Oh, Lord, increase my faith.

    • karen permalink

      Randy, I hear you, but we all need to remember that if we have the same priorities that God has He will take care of our needs. He told us in His word to watch the birds they care for their young and He provides them with food and shelter and that He loves US much more then the birds. It’s hard and it’s scary to take that step of faith, but His promises are much more reliable than our jobs. Hope that brings a bit of encouragement to you!

    • Randy, good comment. I think what Mark is doing is bringing enlightenment to all of us, not making a judgment. I recognize the housing problem that is causing a lot of people, both men and women alike to make adjustments in their households. My wife had to go back to work outside the home for the first time in 8 years. I’m not at all pleased with what has taken place, but I recognize the need for keeping the roof over the heads of our children.
      We have, and are continuing to do so, working diligently to maintain our personal time in the midst of this situation. But we realize that there is a time and season to all things under the heavens and this too shall pass!
      Be encouraged Beloved.

  5. I get the opposite mate… My wife works to support us while I do ministry!

  6. warleska guzman permalink

    I agree too much of something is not good. As a family its very important to spend as much time together. Comunication and togethersness is a key point. Its better to do without certain materialistic things than not to have your spouse and children around in a relationship the more free time and seperated u r from each other the more dpart the family becomes so its best just to live a simple life within your means and keep God first and the comunication going. Unfortunatly there is alsways someone women or a man looking to distroy a marriage a family. Keep your eyes open

  7. Melinda permalink

    I couldn’t agree more. With that being said, let me give you a perspective from a military wife. My husband is in the Marine Corps. He has been in for nearly 16 years. We have been through many deployments. Right now he is on recruiting duty, which might as well be a deployment. He works 14 hours a day 6 days a week. It’s not a choice. It’s hard on us a a family, but God’s grace is so amazing! We have learned to make our time, quality time. We choose our outings based on substance. What can we learn from this? Will the kids enjoy this? At the end of this year, he will be back to his normal job in the military, and the schedule will change dramatically for the better. (Until the next deployment anyway.) Even though it has been hard, I am thankful for this time because it has taught us the quality time is so important. That’s not to say that we are not looking forward to more time together, because we are. All I am saying is that we have tried our best to learn form this experience. God Bless!

  8. Josh Nauman permalink

    As we move towards true sanctification our focus becomes more Christlike and more God-centered. Working to “keep a home” or “to maintain a way of life” should ultimately be laid at the cross. Those worries in our life are God’s to take care of. We are called to be the pastor of our home. If that’s true, would we like it if our pastor said, “I can’t listen do you right now, because I have to talk to people about how much they need to tithe”, we would think that pastor’s job description is out of sckew. Don’t judge eachother for the wrong that we do if we observe it in our brothers lives, but help them through it. Nuture the entire body of Christ as they are part of the “bride” as well. Help that person that you observe with an accountability group, invitations to family events, going to his work and bringing him lunch and sitting down and talking to him. I love this discussion and thanks for bring it up. It’s an epidemic that sometimes we defend, because we tend to believe “as others lose their job it’s important to work harder to show that I don’t want to lose mine”, when in fact we need to be listening to what God wants in our life as he is possibly pruning us for a better harvest.

  9. Crystal permalink

    I agree with your concern about all people overworking. It seems that even the church suffers in time here, everyone are too busy to offer family studies or children groups. Families are no longer a unit, all fall in disfuction and divorce anymore. It is not just a matter of overwork though, I see many families here without work, yet they still don’t have time to give to the family, or maybe they just don’t know how anymore, or never new how. Seems to me that the world just wants to have someone take the responsiblity of their family (kids), such as the schools have our children for so long of time, that when they are home I see most parents even though they are home they send their young mind you (all under age 8) outside to simply play, with no supervision at all, no involvment of any kind. My concern is close to yours, except in a biger picture, I feel we need to bring back the family, the parents need to teach their children. We teach our children this method of disfuction when we send them to school for so long … and by the time they return home there is only time for dinner and bed. The system of structured learning worked only when their was at least one parent home when the children got home from school. Now if the child is too young to be latch-key kid, they go to a daycare till sometime late, as if 8 to 9 hours of schooling isn’t enough for the kids. Time is changing, many don’t have work, and there is not much work to be had, so now is the time to grab hold of the family, and take the loss of a job and make it an opportunity to revive the family.

    ~Crystal

  10. Tammy permalink

    I have to agree with Randy. He spoke as if he’s talking about my life with my husband. My husband was laid off for 9 mos. and then got a job where he works 60-80 hrs/wk. I never see him and we talk less than an hour a day. As much as it appears he’s staying at work to stay away from home, he’s doing what the job requires. He’s doing what he has to to keep the roof over our heads. Is it hurting our marriage, absolutely !! I’m praying we survive this.

    • karen permalink

      Maybe my reply to Randy would encourage you as well. We’ll be praying for you all too if you like! We’ll be praying for peace and His guidance for how to proceed in the future.

  11. Anna permalink

    I couldn’t agree more. Hubby has been looking for other employment so that he can be home more, but there just are no jobs to be had. His company is laying off and expecting those who stay to do more with less. He really has no choice… it’s feast or famine. Me? I’m ready to sell the house and move into something smaller/cheaper so he can take a lower-paying job with better hours, but with the housing market the way it is, even that is not an option. We are just stuck and praying for things to get better before it’s too late for the marriage, which was already in trouble before the crazy hours.

  12. marcia permalink

    this blog totally caught my eye this morning. my husband and i have been struggling with this lately. we both own our businesses and have for many years. with the current economy, his focus has really gotten narrow (all work, all the time). he is a godly man – in the word daily – his work ethic is admirable in that he is a great provider for our family – BUT i do think it consumes him to the point where he is incapable of healthy communication and ‘time’ spent with family.
    i can relate with randy’s comment above. i know the draw for my husband right now is to make sure we are going to ‘have enough’ when we retire or even day to day – we don’t live fancy at all. but what IS enough? i hear daily of another person diagnosed with cancer, a heart condition, an accident, divorce, and i’m realistic in knowing that these things don’t just happen to other people. they are very much a part of our world and frankly we are just as susceptible to all of these things and more. although i am a future minded person, i think we are missing out on the hear and now. we are abusing the time that God has given us right now! we are setting a poor example for our kids, and allowing the stress of not having enough warp our minds and hearts.
    we decided at 4AM after a mini-battle this morning that we would reinstitute ‘date nights’. we’ve been married 15 years – but frankly we never had regular date nights so i don’t know why i even wrote reinstitute. the goal is to establish some fresh plans for our road ahead as a couple. how we’ll spend/save our money, how we’ll raise our kids, what needs does the family have that are not being met, how we will minister to our friends and family that are not saved, what we will make as priorities,etc. i honestly question whether or not we’d be married at this stage if we did not have God at the center of our relationship. i think we both realize the stress in this struggle and don’t want to compromise any more.
    thanks for your post. i look forward to reading more of your blogs, etc.

  13. Andrew permalink

    I understand both sides of the argument however some professions hardly make it possible. I work in the hospitality industry where the average hr per week is 40+. This only leaves about a day or two with the family and not to mention on those days off, there is work to be done around the house such as house repairs and projects and what not. Also not to mention that most families are duel income which makes it even more harder when the two want to spend time with each other. This isnt to afford those nice things but it is to break even on living expenses. Most families dont even sit down together at the dinner table. I share your concern about this dilemma but there is always another side to the story.

  14. Yada permalink

    God bless those man that accepted the truth and lord help the ones that are blinded from the truth. Do we not see that for years the money, things is what the devil use to break up a lot of good marriages and hurt a lot of our children all because one or both of the partners in the marriage couldn’t see past what is important and that is family first. God created family and God provided what they need to make it. So for all of you that feel like you need the two jobs your wrong I’m stay at home mother of 5 children and i have taking care of them for 15years by my self and God has provided. i seen how God has took little and turned it into much. See we forgot who is in charge if you let him, God’s favor is the best thing to have in this world. Favor will take you were Money and friendships can’t . My God can touch the heart of the king if we just obey his will for our life and stop doing things the hard way. Our Families need to know that we value them more then things that we can’t take with us when we pass on to our final resting place. You men and women need to really seek the face of god concern your family and there needs because God is going to hold you accountable for how you handle them. God is a God of balance not a God of confusion and if there in no peace in your home it’s time to listen and check to see if your the head or if the devil is the head of your home because God is not the author of confusion. Satan doesn’t want you or your family to have love, peace and true happiness. Love and Peace. Yada

  15. Heather Damon permalink

    I agree totally.My soon to be ex- husband is more dedicated to his work than his me and our children.He alway put his work first.This led him astray and he started an affair with a colleague.It destroyed our family.We are now going through a divorce after 11 years marriage and 3 young children later.He still maintains that his work comes first no matter what.I used to work for the same company and understand the work demands but he used it as an excuse to stay away form home.I know God will see me through this tough time.

  16. Don permalink

    I made it clear with my employer when I took my current job that he (and my job) could only be 3rd in my life.

    Jesus has to be first. And wife/family has to be second.

    Priorities are very important.

  17. kevin permalink

    i totally agree, but when a husband to spend time with his wife’ she wants to spend more time with her friends than her husband. we can’t build a relationship together that when a husband work overtime.

  18. Lucy permalink

    I agree, God has commanded that men be the leadership of the home. Women are to love them and support them. This role is reversed in our society as a whole to often and we wonder why our families are messed up – God’s way is always the best way. If we follow His principles in His Word then He will bless our obedience. The thought that we have to work even to support our families and yet not spend time with them is a lie from the enemy. We need to stop believing Satan and start believing God – who is more powerful? God is of course! Men can’t live their lives as if their families are number 2 or 3 in their lives and then blame the women that things are messed up. God holds the men accountable for their wives and children. We as women also need to stop taking the mens role in the home and allow them to be in leadership.

  19. Without a doubt men and women put making money before their families.I fell into this cycle working 16 hour 6 days a week for almost 2 years.With the belief that I was making a better life for my family.Needless to say this is anything but truth.The turning point in my life was God put a halt to the work with health issue.In order to achieve the goal of more time for your family, you may need to be ruthless in dealing with some of the things that are taking up your time now. You may have to sacrifice a little income to gain time. Perhaps choose to live a simpler life, downsize your home and rid yourself of unneeded MATERIAL things. Giving away the television might be enough to free you!
    Getting Clear on Your Priorities and Life Purpose makes life so much more fulfilling.God bless

  20. darcey schlieben permalink

    I am new to this, so please forgive me. Who is Yahweh? I want to make sure I am on a Link that is nondenominational. My interest is in reading the Bible, understanding Gods word and applying it to my everyday life. Can someone shed some light on this for me?

    • Torin permalink

      Yahweh is the personal name of the LORD, or rather the closest approximation of how to pronounce it. Anytime you read the Old Testament in an English translation and God is called LORD with all caps, Yahweh is the word used in the original Hebrew. When most Jewish people read those sections, they will say Adonai which means Lord, or Hashem which means “the Name” for fear of taking His Name in vain. English speaking people used to use Jehovah instead of Yahweh, but Yahweh is most likely closer to the true pronunciation. The Hebrew verb hayah “to be” comes from God’s name Yahweh because all existence comes from Him. I hope this helps.

    • Gail permalink

      Not sure if someone answered you, but it’s just the Hebrew word for God.

    • stephanie permalink

      DARCEY …I ALSO AM PRETTY NEW TO THIS PAGE IM GLAD TO SEE YOU HERE I DONT WRITE MUCH ON HERE BECUSE I CANT SPELL VERRY WELL ……………BUT ….YAHWEH MEANS GOD …. IN ANOTHER LANGUANG YAHWEH IS GOD . GOD BLESS YOU DARCEY I WANT TO READ MY BIBLE ALSO LETS READ IT TOGEATHER I GOT THE NEW ..KJ VESION AND I PRAY FOR UNDERSTANDIG HOPE ITS NOT TO LATE I PRAY YOU SEE THIS COMMENT AND IT HELPS YOU.

  21. Constance permalink

    My husband was consumed with work that kept him late and online video games that kept him later. He left his family Sept 2009 stating he didn’t want to be there anymore. Was he ever there to begin with? In the beginning yes. Now, no. What price will men of God pay for the things they might claim to be for the family? How great a loss for it to cost you your family. Is this everyone, of course not. U can see the difference between the family struggling to make it and the family struggling to buy the bigger better stuff. We divorced April 2010 at his request. For me, the price to pay was to great. Always remeber, your family wants your time way more than they want your money.

  22. Carla permalink

    This is so true. Home is our first ministry. This goes for all men (yes that includes-Wo-Men). God is not pleased if we are out running around, chasing money or souls if the souls at home are being neglected.

    Thanks for posting this, sometimes we all can use a reminder. Be Blessed!

  23. Gail DeCaluwe permalink

    I’ve been battling this and praying about this for years with my husband. He’s a full time fire fighter, and we have a business. He’s at the point where he’s so consumed by work, he doesn’t know any different. Getting him to even smile is difficult most days. He’s one of the hardest working, most dedicated people I know to his job, but how do I find balance for him???

  24. Angela Brydon permalink

    very true and an issue that I feel has affected my church – men are happy to be involved with property related stuff but not building their own faith or ministering to others!

    Church Annual Meeting this evening, I pray the Holy Spirit will guide me to speak up as He wants me to and stay quiet at the appropriate times too

  25. Casey permalink

    I do agree… my husband struggled with this at one time to. I believe God has something better for everyone, but we have to be willing to listen, to truly open our ears and hearts to God and to understand what he needs and wants from us. Life is extremely hard right now and that is one of the main reasons to lean on God a lot more. He understands!!!! My prayers to everyone! God Bless you all!!!

  26. A Thompson permalink

    When all is said and done, when our time on earth has come to an end, I don’t think many people will be saying, “I wish I had spent more time at work”!

  27. I agree. I also understand the pull of men to acheive. Many view work as a battle they can win — whereas, being a father and husband is something they feel terribly unequipped to do well. Because, many of them are. They only have to look at their own fathers (if they knew them) to make a case in their hearts for that fear. I have watched my own husband, and many of my Christian Brothers struggle with this fear. Christian women need to pray for God to help us show our husbands that they CAN win the battle, and that the rewards are greater than the rewards at work. It’s a serious situation.
    There’s so much more to say about this topic, but that is the bullseye I feel most led to focus on at this moment.

  28. Sara Sue permalink

    I am observing something a little different that I believe is contributing to this problem. As knowledge increases (toward the end times prophecy), intelligent people are stimulated with more “good ideas” than time allows them to fulfill. This results in every area of life being lived at a frantic pace. A LONG time ago a wise elder advised me that if the enemy could get me busy enough to make me ineffective in any area, he “had” me–at least to the extent that I was not resting in the Lord and leaving the battle to Him, but feeling like I must do this next clever thing to fulfill my mission in life.

  29. I agree with you. I’m young, I’ll admit and unmarried however-

    However, I do see this. I see men who’s wives barely know them anymore. I see men who are pushed by society to follow the “American Dream” and succeed for their “families sakes”. But I have to wonder how many really ask their families? On the flip side, how many wives speak up in a constructive manner? I come from a low income home, both my parents were forced to live pretty broke for a long time, for a number of reasons and in whole hearted, complete honesty- we were happy. I can say this with complete confidence: we were very happy. We did not have a great car (was always used and usually almost broke down), we didn’t have a computer until I was well into high school (even then had to use the schools), we didn’t have many video games early on, we didn’t have nice, new clothes every season, no bought lunches (we were on free lunch), and it goes on and on….

    The point is, I would never, ever change it. I would take those hours of playing uno and monopoly any time over having a wii. I would gladly take spending time with my dad watching pro wrestling, then having a big screen t.v. I think we all need to (not just the men) step back and take a good look at our hearts, because families are precious gifts and when you get a gift like that you don’t go and buy a new gift to replace it the next christmas. You don’t need a brand new car lexus to keep this gift happy (and if you do you’ve got some problems to work out.) God gives us all gifts throughout our lives. Why should we squander the gifts of family and time?

  30. I totally agree with all of this, too. But, I’d like to add something, too. I don’t believe that it’s all the work distracting the men from their priorities but the lack of prioritizing correctly. Many men seem to have such stressful jobs that they feel the need to escape into video games and the like, which means they are even less effective at home. They can work a normal, 40 hour week and if they aren’t, then ready to step up at home…well, hence the above!

  31. Jeff permalink

    So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:31-34

    Marriage is a gift from our creator. Our relationship with our wives/husbands should be only second to our relationship with God. God will take care of the rest – it is his promise!!!

  32. I have a husband that works 60 hours a week. He has already retired from one job and now has taken on the job he is doing now. Our son works right there beside him. Do I feel neglected? No, because he does what he does for me. He loves me and of this I have no doubt.

    We taught all four of our children to work. We taught them to give all they have and to never have anyone to be able to say “he (or she” did not earn what they made that day.

    Unfortunately I see families with lazy children every day. Their parents worked and gave their children all that they themselves did not have, and their children have no work ethics, and sit with their hands out to their parents for more money and think the world owes them a living.

    Just because my husband and four children work, does not mean that their families are neglected. They certainly are not, because they love their families with everything they have.

    Do I feel neglected because my husband works so much, no. I feel fortunate that he loves me, my children and my grandchildren enough to want to see that our grandchildren get to attend college and have food on their tables. As someone has already said on this blog, some people have to work very hard for little money, and they need help. We never turn our back on our children and grandchildren who are working as hard as they can and are still not able to make ends meet. They are our responsibility and will be till the day we die.

  33. Deborah Heller permalink

    I hear you. I wish my husband went to church more often. I take the girls every Sunday and Wednesday evening. I love my church family. He works two jobs and one of them is 12 hour shifts. So if he’s not working usually he is sleeping or shopping at Bidz.com. I am planning to go back to school so I can help support the family more then maybe he can cut back to the one job. Pray for me that I follow the path God has for me.

  34. Tracey permalink

    These very ideas are breaking my marriage apart. But going a little bit further I would add that the “overworked man” can also struggle to maintain his covenant with God, which is of the utmost importance. I would sacrifice even more time with my husband for him to share it with God. Because I trust and have faith that God will provide for and protect me when my husband can’t, won’t or just doesn’t. My favorite quote is: “In the best marriages you will see three people, “God, husband and wife.”

    Thanks for your insight. You are right on point and I pray that those marriages that are struggling right now will be restored to the condition that God designed them to be.

  35. Julie permalink

    My husband works many many hours. Not because he wants to but because of the bad economic times, he has too. We are struggling horribly. Not only does he work many hours, so do I. Lots of times we just pass each other coming or going. Very hard on a marriage.

  36. Rebecca permalink

    You know, this is something that I truly wish my ex-husband could have read and taken some revelation from. I have stuggled with my ex-mate for 8 years, separating and renconciling and your topic being one of the reasons. His take on things is that money will make everyone happy, and everyone’s problems away. But he wasn’t only distracted by work, he was also distracted by other things that caused the trust I had in him to go away. Odd because as a child he was brought up reading the bible, and his knowledge of what’s in the bible is pretty good. Very sad, but true. I hoped that things would change, that his mentality would change, because I believe in your topic very much. I believe it for both overworked men and women. And if you truly are putting God in your life and in your heart first, then then this should be of some revelation to some of us who don’t already know this.

  37. craig smith permalink

    There is no question that you present a very valid and very significant issue in our society. There was a time in my life not too many years ago that I stood among those who argue every possible justification to continue in this destructive and very unhealthy way of life. God has called us as men to be the head of our home, simply being the bread winner is but a small element of this. What does it profit us if we provide our families with material possessions and comfortable living but fail in our greatest calling; that of being a priest in our home, the spiritual head, God is not pleased when we forsake that which is important to Him in order to fulfill what becomes important to us. Keep preaching it, brother, this is God’s heart as well.

  38. Josh Nauman permalink

    Keep in mind that we need to be great stewarts of what God provides, but owning a house is not a “need” , owning land is not a “need”. They are material possessions that God can (and often does in his wisdom) take away from us to focus us more on the cross. I am not suggesting living on the street is the best course of action, but maybe renting (if it’s cheaper after you’ve sold your house) is the wiser decision for some. Satan is striving day and night to make all of the “things” that we own or want to own seem as “needs” in our lives. Be willing to seek his wisdom before deciding what a “need” is. “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7. This includes a car, a house, a job. Be thanksful in the jobs that God gives you, but be willing to let go of some or all of that job when God wants you to, but seek his will not ours.

  39. Greg permalink

    I believe one of the biggest deceptions in a Christian man’s life can be his works for God. I am almost five years into “working” a recovery program, and it has started to occur to me that my life was a daily series of do’s and don’ts. It’s not the recovery program that’s an issue. It’s me holding on to my recovery works, and not going deeper in my relationship with God. Am I more open to those around me, i.e., my wife and kids? Are they seeing a husband / father who is a humble servant to their needs. Or do they see a person who is driven to get his “good works” recovery.

    My relationship with God, although consistent in disciplines, has been these do’s and don’ts for five years. And although good for outward appearance to my wife and support group members, I’ve not gone deeper into my feelings and emotions that were a part of my original reason for needing a recovery group. I’ve just covered them up with “do good” actions. Again, it’s not the group, its letting go of good works for God that he never intended me to perform.
    And although my wife and group members were proud of my God works, in hind sight they should have only been the starting part of my recovery, leading me to an openness and acceptance with God.

    So what does this have to do with spending time with my wife and family? Everything. If I see my recovery as a means to gain acceptance from God and family, then I will miss the greater issues that got me into recovery. Why can’t I rest in God’s love and acceptance of me and be content with how God made me? Why can’t I see the greatest works I can ever do is not to go to every possible recovery group available, but to sit at home, look at my wife and kids and say thank you God for your grace and goodness to me. It’s being open with your wife and kids about who you are, the struggles you have in your life, and being involved and available for your kids and wife as they look to you for love and support.

    Our most important works will be those that a given from a heart of love that God has produced in us. Not just going things for God.

  40. I agree. Sadly, my husband has had to work a lot of hours this past year and is not home nearly as much as he used to be. Not because we have a house that is too big for us or fancy cars, we have none of those things. We’re just trying to stay afloat. Right now, because they laid so many people off, he is working required 12 hour days 5-6 days a week. They won’t hire more people and he’s in a specialty field and there just aren’t many folks out there who can do what he does. He does put his foot down and say no to weekends but once in a while he goes into appease them.

    One thing I notice is this. The wives are WANTING and DEMANDING more material things and their husbands work more to give it to them. Not that the men don’t also want material things but some women really put a serious emphasis on this. I see it even in my Christian friendships. I find it ridiculous and sad. One friend told me we should save up and buy a bigger house. Some friends think their children MUST go to private Christian schools because they don’t want them in the public schools. That’s fine if you can afford it but is the cost really worth it? Having a husband that spends NO time with your family, so you can live the “better” life? Those kids would benefit MORE from their father being around than attending a Christian private school. They’re going to have to enter the real world eventually! Sending my kids to private school would be nice, so would a bigger home, better cars that aren’t from the (1990’s) but family time is more important to us.

    Food for thought. Are we as the wives demanding more from our husbands than we truly NEED?

  41. I totally agree with these thoughts, Pastor Mark. My family has recently endured some major changes in order to preserve our family time and our marriage. For years, my husband had worked a full time secular job while serving as a part time youth and associate pastor while I worked part time as our pastor’s admin assistant AND homeschooled our son and transported him back and forth to the YMCA for sports. We were blessed during that time to muster up enough energy to even make it to bed before completely crashing. I prayed fervently month after month for the Lord to make a way for us to leave this lifetyle behind in order to concentrate on our mist important ministry–our marriage and family! Due to the pressure that was put on us by other people, we didn’t do what we knew was best for our family. So the answer to my heartfelt prayer of getting out came in the form of surgery on my wrist. Thankfully, it was only minor surgery but it wouldn’t allow for me to keep my part time job. I have since recovered completely from surgery and now my husband only works one job to support us. Our ministry work has been minimized tremendously simply because we were destroying our marriage and killing ourselves physically to keep up with everything. I still homeshool our son but that’s ALL I do as it is very time consuming and very important to us. I do, however, have a 3 inch scar on the top of my wrist and every time I look at it, I praise God for making a way for us to free up enough time to be the spouses and parents He really wanted us to be all along. My husband now calls himself a true “family man” with a clear conscience.

    So thanks for making us think about this very important matter in our society. My family and marriage were almost casualties of the fast-paced American lifestyle that is toxic to the family. I’m so thankful God didn’t allow that to happen!

  42. Miles permalink

    As I read through these 10 comments, it sure reflects the brokenness in the personal lives of people in the world today. We need a great move of God to bring people all across the world back to him. Even so, come Holy Spirit, Come. As the song says: “Why not here? Why not now?”

  43. I agree we need to get the balance right – I was initially taken aback by the title ‘overworking men’ but Mark explained this later on in the article. In our circumstances, I am the sole bread-winner whilst my husband (who hasn’t been well enough to work for the past three years) is studying at the moment. I’m a full time mother, wife, ‘carer’ and graphic designer (probably in that order!) and juggling time is incredibly difficult; as is dealing with hurt pride from my husband and his feelings of uselessness at not being able to help support his family.

    I work from home and Facebook has become my main form of escapism from ‘work’, but also my biggest distraction with so many time tempting games like Farmville, Cafeworld and Petville that I need to get a grip of, otherwise I lose precious work time planting crops and cooking new dishes and then end up working even longer into the early hours to make the time up once everyone’s gone to bed!

    Getting the balance right is very difficult, especially when you’re struggling to keep afloat financially and therefore feel ‘obliged’ to put the hours in, but for me, recognising harmful distractions is very important, as is making the effort to step away from the computer whenever possible and spend more quality time with my family!

  44. As a wife of a farmer we have the challenge of balancing the needs of our land and animals with the needs of our family. Living where you work can be both a blessing and a challenge but I have to say I am blessed with a husband that does see us as his most important work, and we are not pursuers of material things except those that are needed (pray for help to get a newer tractor – the old ’64 is getting tired, and I said newer not new 🙂 Bumping up to the 80’s would be fine!).

    Sadly, as the sister and daughter of two workaholics I can really see Mark’s point in this post. My Dad and brother would not see that, of course, but the drive to go-go-go and get-get-get is one reason why we would never move back to my home province. There is a 24-7 culture there that is not compatible with our desire to put our Lord, family and work in that order of priority. Where we live the pace is slower and it suits us fine, not that there aren’t overworking busy folks of course, but there is not the culture to support it.

    My last point, and God bless you if you got this far, is that I believe many people make themselves ‘busy’ to have that sort of ‘white noise’ around their lives so they don’t have to hear God’s nudging them to do things differently, so they don’t have to really listen to the Holy Spirit asking them about the state of their heart and spirit, so they don’t need to connect on personal levels where it can get messy and emotional. Much easier to be ‘busy’ and detached than to slow down and connect.

  45. Dineo permalink

    Some men don’t love their wives and work is a way of avoiding them. Some men are driven by their wives who want to compete with the Joneses. Some men only feel like men when they work and have money. Some men have a morbid fear of poverty. The reasons as to why men overwork are plentiful.

  46. KEVIN permalink

    GUILTY , BEEN THERE , DONE THAT , I’M 55 NOW AND YOUNGEST IS 20 . JUST WANTED TO SAY I’T’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOCUS ON FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AND MAKE THEM BETTER , JUST WISH I WOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH ALL 4 OF MY KIDS DOING THE STUFF DAD’S DON’T LIKE TO DO . IT’S A FORM OF BEING SELFISH . DADS ARE CALLED TO SPEND TIME WITH WIVES , EACH CHILD AND WORK , IT TAKES A REAL PLANNED EFFORT TO CREATE THE BALANCE NEEDED . LET’S NOT FORGET TO SPEND TIME WITH GOD FIRST AND ASK HIM TO HELP WITH PLANNING OUR TIME TO BE SPENT WISELY. TIME IS LIKE LIFES MONEY , ONCE SPENT IT;S GONE AND WE ONLY HAVE SO MUCH TO SPEND !

  47. peggy permalink

    My husband has always been about getting things and work, but when he moved into upper management the work started taking a toll on him and our family. When you work 7 days a week, after a stressful day stop and have a drink and don’t fit in any spiritual practices, something is bound to happen and it’s not good. He is currently working in another state because of the job. We get our priorities messed up and but we can only serve one God and the god of money and other worldly matters take over, families suffer more than if they didn’t have money. It’s all about prayer and seeking God’s will.

  48. An add-on to my previous comment:
    Now that we live on a single income, we live a much more modest lifestyle. We don’t have the finest vehicle but it IS paid off. We don’t have the finest home either but it’s all a sacrifice that has brought much greater rewards. Times are tough but we consider ourselves extremely blessed!

  49. christina carreon permalink

    people are trusting in the wrong god. mathew 6 says to seek for the kingdom of God. hebrews 4 says to rest in God. people are struggling because their faith is in this world system not in God. philipians 4 says that God will supply ALL of your needs according to HIS riches in glory by christ jesus. men and women should turn their focus and attention away from their jobs and problems and focus on God. when your God minded he’ll take care of the rest. be like david, he saw a giant(problem/issue), but he was not scared because he saw how mighty and great his God was, and he took out goliath with the word of God. you can do the same thing. if you’re a believer than you have a covenant with God. u have authority and dominion over everything on this earth(except people-we have free will). so instead of being a nagging wife(in proverbs it says this will push a husband away) be the supporting wife God called you to be. and instead of being a busy husband, love your family with you actions not just your mouth. meditate in 1corinthians 13 and ask the holy spirit to help you and to reveal things to you.i’m 21 and i’ve been married for 2 months, u might think im too young to understand and unqualified to be saying all this, God qualifies me and he obviously wants you to read this. i have problems but they don’t overtake me.God shows me things that are not off him, so i daily renew my mind to be more like christ. build a fellowship with God and he’ll keep and shield you from this world.he loves you and he wants you to have a revelation of his love.

  50. Rachel permalink

    I read this yestereday, and I couldn’t agree more. Too many men aren’t acting as the role-models that our children need. The father of my children completely didn’t care about them and walked away. The amazing man that my father is, stepped in a provided for us, the way a husband would have done. He not only did right by mother and her children (my brother and myself), be he did right by my children. Amazing man, He would give you the shirt off his back, and would never, ever leave his family alone. My children are very blessed to have such a wonderful man to look to for guidence, as did my brother and I. I would never settle for a man that was anything less than what my father is, to stand in my life. God has provided me with a beautiful, unique family, and I will continue in my father’s footsteps, teaching my children the way of God.

  51. Vicky permalink

    I totally agree with you on this. I worked 12 hour days 7 days a week. And because of it my children and husband suffered. But now my husband is the sole bread winner in the house. He is a truck driver and because there are very few jobs in our area, he had to choose this line of work for us to just get by. But he is gone on the road for 3 weeks at a time. I miss him, my kids all grown now, miss him and my grandaughter misses him. Even though we talk everyday with him, it’s not the same. Because our economy is so poor has forced him to take this employment. I pray someday he will find a trucking company near home to where he can be home daily and we can still get by. We have sacraficed the material things and family things just to pay the bills. It’s hard to deal with this at times. But I have faith that God will provide. And yes in this economy unfortunately, these things happen. But if it is done for material things then it is wrong and a need of priorities needs to be looked at.

  52. Jill permalink

    Wow! This really spoke to me this morning as I left for work early for an extra meeting and just scheduled another during lunch. I changed my hours a year ago to be home closer to when the kids get home from school and my husband gets home from work and they just pointed out to me during our Bible study on Friday that I have only made it “on time” less than a handful of times in that year. It always seems that just one more thing comes up as I am ready to walk out the door and then even when I do make it home I am on the phone for another couple of hours. Will make that my priority this week…pray for focus on the family and more time with God. Phone will turn off when I leave the office and I will spend time WITH my family not just being in the same home with them. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  53. I agree with you, Mark. Our culture has so affected the Body of Christ and this is one crucial way that the family is weakened. Thanks for speaking out. And continue… what comes next about how we use our time and how we care for family? We are here for relationship, but our culture sends a different message.

    For me, as a single woman, the Lord has slowed me to a standstill as I have been unemployed for 5 months. But as I yield to Him in this, I see that it’s not been a time to struggle and worry about how I will make it. He wants me to see this as a time to rest and regroup, to learn to enjoy my life. I know the next step is around the corner, but this time of “nothing” has been very important.

    Blessings to you!

  54. sun permalink

    i strongly agree with you. The time they are spending at work is very valuable as their kids and wife also need them. Earning money is very good but one should also learn this that if we are contented in God, so He will fulfill all our wishes.It is His promise as he feed the birds so how is it possible that he would know our wishes. If we want some thing we should first ask God as he gives to his loved one even when they sleep. So always be contented in him. Our kids are also His blessings and we have to raise them as good christens.

  55. Daniel Thompson permalink

    Wow! I’M only 18 so I can’t say I needed this family wise, but I am dumbfounded because I was talking to my mom about this yesterday. I told her that I wasn’t going to have a job that came before family but I was gunna put my family first when I have one. Coming from the wordly perspective a lot of these comments make sense, but when you thing of it in Gods perspective, not that we can ever fully understand God, you realize that the reason some people are in poverty isn’t because they aren’t doing enough. It’s because they think it is up to them to do it all. They have taken their trust away from God and put it in themselves. I’m not judging anyone because it more than likely happens to everyone, so I might even slip and do the same thing, but I acknowledge right now that if I don’t put my complete trust in God, then me and my future family will probably live in poverty.

  56. Almira Mae permalink

    My husband is working a lot of hours right now because the mortgage business demands it. Our son has some serious medical issues and we need the insurance and the money for all the co-pays, meds, etc. My husband is really doing the best he can. I know that I need more time from him for our relationship to be happy; but he is really exhausted. I do support him for doing the best he can.

  57. Nancy M Nichols permalink

    AMEN to that MY FRIEND! PREACH IT REVD MARK! WOOO HOOO.

    Here are my thoughts on this. GOD should be our number one priority. A marriage needs to be 100% to each other, and 100% to God.

  58. Ian permalink

    I agree, if the men fail to perform their role as the head of the family then it falls apart! A family and marriage is an earthly representation of Christ and the church as his bride. IF Christ were too busy to care for us and love us then the church would fall apart.

    Us men need to step up to the understanding that family is most important to us. If we give our family the time we should for the Biblical reasons I wholeheartedly believe that God will reward that and make providing a much easier task.

    Their is no excuse for us abdicating our familial responsibility as the leader of the household.

  59. Bianca permalink

    I totally agree!! Family should always take priority!! Working too hard can destroy the body physically, mentally,spiritually, emotionally!! Sad still is the fact that some of us work on our designated day of worship!! And for a woman it should take even a higher priority!! Feminism has women running out of the house to the workplace competing with men and neglecting the family!!

  60. Ugochi Babajide permalink

    I agree with you Mark-an so does my husband. Any true man of God would. It is biblical. Yes men want to bring home the bacon, however they must not lose themselves and fam in the process. It ain’t that serious. Afterall, if we put God first, all those other needs will be added to us. I would not appreciate my husband bringing his work home. And I, as a therapist show the same respect-I leave all clients issues right there at the office and head home. We must seperate work from fam. My uncle died 2 weeks ago from a heart attack. He worked 2 jobs and hardly had time for his fam. Now tell me…was it worth it?? All that money cannot be enjoyed. Three little kids will have no recollection of their father by the end of this yr.

  61. Bill Hoppe permalink

    At my funeral I want my wife and kids to say that they knew I really loved and cared for them and that I was the best dad/husband they could ever ask for. Not boy he sure loved his work or he sure had nice stuff.

  62. Life is tough, America is full of I-want-it-now attitudes and it is all over our media. Sometimes we think we are working to make ends meet but really we have gotten sucked into the got-to-have-it attitude. Big houses, cars, and toys permiate. Dinner with the family and camping in the backyard still make the best communication ground and vacations–just as your kids they want your time not things. They settle for things because the media tells them to be, so break the cycle it is on men and on women to support more and want less.

  63. Denise permalink

    I couldn’t agree more. My husband cares more about what everyone thinks about him at work than me or our children. I overheard him recently on the phone with someone at work saying, “I put my job before my family.” I already knew this for years but it hurt hearing the words coming from his mouth.

    For him spending money is part of his addictions. He is an alcoholic and uses money to also fill the void in him.

    He does work hard, but for the wrong reasons.

  64. I’m a 41 year old man and at one point and time, I worked three jobs to try and make ends meet. I married a beautiful woman and tried to help raise three wonderful kids that weren’t my own. When we first started out, things were very hard and it was always a constant struggle. We attended service on Sundays and she and the kids attended Wednesday night service. I couldn’t because I was at work (Federal Police Officer). After I left that job, I drove a forklift for another 4-6 hours and on some weekends I worked security. I thought that I was doing what I was supposed as a man, breadwinner, husband and dad. On my days off I would spend time with my family and while doing so, I would drink. Eventually these jobs, my drinking, and other things took its toll on my marriage. We are divorced. I quit my jobs, I lost my home, cars, trucks and most importantly my family. The price that I paid to overwork just to be a good provider wasn’t worth what I eventually lost. So I say to men and women if your job(s), drinking or whatever it may be is taking its toll on your marriage and family, step back from them and then step to God. I’m on the road to recovery alone…I can only wish that I still had my family with me.

  65. marty permalink

    This is so true. I am a firefighter. Every 3rd day I have to work 24hrs. I also work part time for 2 other fire depts. But I had to step back a few years ago and look @ I was missing. I was playing softball 2 or 3 times a week and also working hirebacks @ my full time job @ the fire dept. My kids were growing up and I was missing out on a lot of it. What made me realize this was one of our chiefs in the dept had said that he missed out on his kids growing up and how they were gone now. Sure, they had a lot of material things but look at what he missed out on. I thank God for letting me hear that from kim and how it make me get my priorties straight. I still have to work to put food on the table but I really do enjoy our family time!!

  66. Mack permalink

    Brother, you are on the right path with your conversation, about men taking time with their wives and children. The family is very important and the wife is the second spot men need to pay attention to. It is God first and formost, then wives, then children. We, men, need to keep all things in order and focus on what makes our world work for us. Keep pushing men being close to their wives.

    • Keith permalink

      You like to be “pushed”?
      Really?

      What happened to the true and wise leaders?!

      Men of example, Teachers that challenge us with knowledge of the “how to”.

      Deffences get put up when you “push” people.
      Good sheapards “lead” the herd.. “for they know the sound of his voice”.

  67. Cindy French permalink

    My husband works 10-hour days, four days a week. He will not work more than that in a day, but he will work overtime on Fridays and Saturdays, if he can get it. He will not work on Sundays. He recognizes that he gets too tired, stressed out, and even sick, if he works more than 10 hours a day, or more than 6 days a week. He recognizes that it is a matter of faith in God to trust that He will provide for our needs, even if my husband takes off a day from work, once a week. He gets up early to read his bible and pray before he goes to work. He takes time during lunch to take a walk and get some exercise and fresh air so he will have more energy. He takes time to talk to people about Jesus. He likes his work and is happy at his job, but he doesn’t bring it home. When he leaves work, it stays there. When he gets home, he is tired. He needs to unwind. We all sit down to dinner together. We talk. After dinner, he may spend a little time watching TV or playing on the computer, but then he goes outside to work in his garden, or do something that he has been meaning to do around the house. He takes my son for a walk or swimming. He takes me out for a date, once a week. He goes grocery shopping for me. On weekends, if he isn’t working overtime, he gets up and makes breakfast for us and we do things together, as a family. He helps people in need. He visits people in the hospital. On Sundays, he volunteers to help with the computer in the sound box. He helps me teach a youth bible study. We visit my parents. We host an adult bible study at our home. We take family vacations a couple of times a year. I’m not saying that he is a perfect man, husband, or father; he has his selfish times, just like we all do. Sometimes he is more tired, sick, or stressed, so that he spends more time resting, but we know his desire is to spend time with us as much as he can. I believe God has taught him over the years how to make a habit of giving each thing its right amount of time. And God has given him the self-discipline to do what he knows is right.

  68. Steve Gill permalink

    ABSOLUTELY! Oh the pain I had to go through to learn this valuable lesson. The truth is…. proof of love comes from “time spent”. I have learned to LOVE my family again by spending more quality time with them. Actually, I’m making more money than I ever did because I’m much more efficient with my work time. Thanks for this message Mark. It really is a “good” point to teach men how to balance there time in this Hectic World. By the way, we are not of this world and we don’t follow this world. Work is never the problem. Obsession with it is the problem and there is no balance in that.

  69. Karen - Omaha, Ne permalink

    I am in totaly agreement with you Mark. Very well put. Go get’m guys. Be the spiritual leaders of your families. Lead your family like the Good Sheperd leads his flock. Great leading leads to Great leaders.

  70. nicholas ross permalink

    i work 12 hour shifts and cycle home which takes me a hour and half and i feel tired whe i get home,i then play with out granchildren who stay with us and then some small talk with my wife and our child supper and then bed,it is not good to live like this,sometimes i am grummpy and dont feel like playing or even talking just want to go and sleep,i work 3 day and 3 night 12 hours shifts and off 3 days,i am so tired that on my off days i just sit around and do nothing,i have got to be more active in my social life with my family

  71. Glenda permalink

    I agree with you Mark though my husband goes to the opposite extreme. He lost his job. He is not working and thinks any day he is going to get rich from those emails he receives in his inbox on the computer. This has been going on for almost a year. I have did all kinds of things trying to get him to work. To no avail. Finances have been tight. I work but my hours were cut back. He gets unemployment insurance but it doesn’t cover all the bills. Pray for us that my husband will see the need to work and that our finances will turn around. Thank you.

  72. Terrance permalink

    If you have to work to support your family, what do you do? When I was working, I had to work different shifts from my wife and I had to work weekends. I was a night manager and department head, but I had limited staff; which forced me to work the way the company dictated. This was stressful for my wife. We are married now 7-years, but we have been separated for 5-months now and we have a beautiful 15-month old baby.

    I was laid-off almost 2-years ago. During the layoff, I have been receiving unemployment benefits and working very hard to find employment. My wife turned from being angry at me for working too much to “why I can’t go to work now.” We use to do everything together, but my wife has a “I complex”, where she decided to do most things by herself now and only needed me, when things she couldn’t do herself needed to be done. I have always been there for her, but her resentmenent towards me because I lost my job has cause us to now be separated, with outstanding circumstances.

    I woke up the morning of Nov. 18, 2009 to an argument. I had been sleeping on the couch because of arguments the night before. The argument turned into my wife assaulting me because I was trying to explain to her about what I am able to provide financially and the reality of our situation vs. what her wants and desires were.

    She won a battle that I was not going to fight. I made my mistakes in trying to argue before. I lost my temper and broke things, but I never hit my wife nor have I tried to intimidate her. I argued in trying to explain myself against her accusations and misunderstandings. I went to jail that day for no reason, based on trumphed-up charges. The case was dropped by the D.A., but I have a restraining order against me now (for 3-years) for nothing I did because my wife did not tell the truth of what occurred that day and is willing to go as far as she needs to destroy me. I have partial custody of our child, but my wife is insisting to take that from me too.

    All for what? I was there every step for my wife. The things we could not do were only because of job situations out of my control (when I was working) and current finance issues now because things are tight. We still went out to dinner, to visit (her family and friends mostly), I assisted to help her in every way imaginable. My wife never had to do the laundry in our 12-year relationship, nor did she have to clean the house or cook. I gave her all my time, but she left me home alone with our baby, when she wanted to go. I did all of what I did, when times were good and bad because I am not a traditionalist and I wanted to help her as best that I could.

    Now, I am just a man; trusting in God and praying to get me through this nightmare.

  73. Elfi permalink

    I would like to say that I totally agree with what Josh Naumann has been writing. We have been working and working to keep a business going, to the point where I had the feeling we were just existing/surviving, not living anymore. Also time with God and His Word was pushed towards the back, too many other things on my mind and too busy…. and now the breakdown of everything, probably even loosing the property. But I have again decided to draw closer to God, ask for his guidance and put my life completly into His hands and I find that again, although the circumstance show different, I can find joy again and complete trust in what He’s doing – here less, means more!!! And at the end I know that “all things will work out for good….” whatever it might be. Trust Him and He will lead your path!!! We don’t know how it will work out for an income, living conditions, etc. but I know the Lord will provide how much we need (not how much we want…) and at the right time. At the end of the day, I see it really as a sort of pruning.
    Bless you all!!!

  74. Jennifer in Texas permalink

    Loved the comment that mettioned Matthew 6:31-34

    “Marriage is a gift from our creator. Our relationship with our wives/husbands should be only second to our relationship with God. God will take care of the rest – it is his promise!!!”
    As women we can worry a lot about money and then as we express those feelings our husband hears it and then they want to go work more to provide for us! So women need to watch what we say and our view of money too!

    • KitsuSan permalink

      Jennifer,
      Now you got some smarts about you.
      You people should what Jennifer has to say…
      You go girl!!!

  75. darlene miniard permalink

    ok..I ve been dating this wonderful man of God for two months. He’s really everything I’ve ever wanted in a mate. he’s 54, and has no children. He recently had a stroke and I believe its a result of working too much and resting too little. I’m not sure why he feels has to work so much. I became very concerned about this even before the stroke. He would go from one job to the next with less than one hr of sleep or none. All I can say is God has a way of making us lie down in green pastures. I dont really know what s happening with our relationship now but I think he gets the picture. Men need to come out of their “slave mentality” and put their trust in God

  76. Evelyn permalink

    I grew up a preacher’s kid. There were always demands on my father’s time, but he could arrange his time and did so to benefit the family. He was there when I got up in the morning and fixed my breakfast. He usually had been up for hours studying the Bible, but when I got up, he made time for me. He also was there for our family dinner every night. He might have been gone most of the rest of the day, but he made sure he was there for our family first. My mom had to work full time just to help support our family. Most ministers do not receive a decent income.
    When my husband and I were raising our family, my husband worked swing shift most of the time. The kids did not see their dad during school days except for about 5 mins. a day. To make family time, we would take the kids out of school sometimes to make a family day. (Both kids were excellent students and missing a day didn’t hurt them at all.)
    Times are hard and people have to spend a lot of time trying to provide for their families. In the struggle of daily life, we just need to set our priorities on God first of all, then family. If things are so out of balance, maybe a change is needed. But if we put our faith and trust in our ALMIGHTY GOD, HE is able to see us through. Times are hard. THIS AIN’T HEAVEN, THANK GOD!

  77. Brenda permalink

    Hi Mark,

    Thanks again for sharing on the Topic “The crisis of overworking men”, So much time today is (truly) spent working, TV, and sports, and sadly little time is spent for what “should” be the most important part of your life, with YOUR family and God!

    Relationships take WORK! If you want a healthy, loving relationships it’s a commitment you and your partner make, it’s time and energy. If you don’t take the time to nurture the relationship it won’t grow and eventually it dies! It’s like a garden, in order for the Garden to grow it takes watering, weeding, seeding, plowing, and fertilizing, in other words the more time you spend nurturing the garden the more benefits you get from it!

    Thank You and God Bless

  78. true.. so for us that are young what do we need to do to prevent that so that we can have success and be happy!

  79. Shaleen permalink

    It is always good to work to receive money to survive on. Of course, it has been stated that you have to work to eat. If we have learned anything from the crazy economy we should learn to keep it more simple and (hopefully it has been done already)trust God who is supplying all of your needs through Christ Jesus. You cannot substitute your time with your family by trying to get them upgraded material things.
    I also agree on how you were saying that men should prioritize their
    time better than they are for their families, but for themselves also. The bible verse also said “and as he loves his own body.” Overworking does not show any extra love for your body (actually it’s the opposite!) Stress can be due to overworking and health problems can occur due to the stress! How can you provide for your family when your health is hanging in the balance? It’s been said to not work harder but work smarter! ❤ & 🙂

  80. Donna permalink

    Right on Mark! Another important aspect of growing kids God’s way is to remember that children are watching. They are little sponges soaking it all in. The boys (I’ve raised 3) need to see their dad being involved with them & their mother as well. A daughter needs to see this too. It will help her be attracted to the right kind of guy. I was blessed with a husband/father who spent lots of time with his boys. And you know he told me one time that he loved those times! Our eldest is father of a boy & a girl now & he is the best dad to them. Thank you Lord.

  81. Mary Johnston permalink

    I completely agree. My husband took a management position at his work, and less than two months late, the general manager was fired for sexual harrassment. This left him as the only manager. For two months, he worked from open to close, 7 days a week before an assistant was found for him. Even then, he had to work extra in order to train the new manager. During this time, he missed a lot of time with me and the girls. He had to choice, and I know he hated it. He stayed at the job, but when another crisis came up later on, we both decided this wasn’t working out. He got a job that was half the pay, but he got to be home with his family more often. It was really tight for awhile, but we both knew the decision was right. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the family. As long as our bills are being paid and we have a little emergency money, then we don’t worry about anything else anymore. We leave it in God’s hands and know that He will provide.

  82. I had a husband ,Who would not keep a job . I was supporting 6 people one time.

  83. William Hutton permalink

    Mark- I agree wholeheartedly with you, we are working too hard. The post modern society we live in today values things, education, and status in society much more than the family, church and God. The enormous pressure to conform is overwhelming. I know, I was one of them. Many folks also stay busy as a defensive mechanism, keeping them distanced from the internal issues that in some cases may very well be the cause of the relationship issue. So it’s a catch 22. Bring God into the picture, in everything we do including our job, and we will see change. I’m still struggling with a work / life balance and in today’s economy its even harder with jobs so scarce.

    Bill

  84. Lisa K. permalink

    If God is putting this on your heart – please go to this website and do a search for the weekly message titled “Walk As Loving-Spirit filled Men” by Pastor Rudy Paredes… I was there in person when he shared this Word and saw the tears in his eyes as he talked about being a pastor in couseling sessions and how hard it is seeing the hurt in the eyes of the wives when he ministered to these families… how important the husband’s love is for his family and his role as spiritual leader and how God designed our families.

    http://www.calvarychapelchandler.org/Teaching/WeeklyMessagesAudioMP3s/tabid/82/Default.aspx

    • here is the link to actual download
      [audio src="http://www.calvarychapelchandler.org/Portals/0/sermons/mp3/28Sept08_Eph_5_25-33.mp3" /]

  85. Anthony Mammano permalink

    I have read your post with much interest, as I hold the same opinion. Perhaps a bit more agressive, as I worked my way out of a family as a result of this mind set. In 1985, I started a cabinet shop, and in the process of twenty years of operation, it did very well. However, it needed constant attention. I made the mistake of supplying that attention, only to discover that it became a monster I could not control. After much reflection on this, I have come to the conclusion that I was under the false impression that I was carrying on in the fashion that was expected of me. My folks, who immigrated here from Europe, had a different idea about family. Not that they dismissed them, but the priority was to provide for them, at any cost. My father worked nights, and on the weekends, in order to make ends meet with six children. I admired his
    selfless determination, and it worked okay for him, but this is a very different time. These days, wives and children get bored, and find other distractions, usually ones that don’t include dad, cause he was always at work. They also develop a higher need for “distraction” which becomes a cyclic circus. The more they desire, the more you are required to provide…and on, and on….
    It was not until I developed a relationship with Jesus did I discover the real needs in life, and I would encourage everyone stuck on the “performance-oriented” merry-go-round to do the same. He came to give us Life, and that in the full. There is more to life than we understand in the natural.
    Thanks for your insightfull message. Be well.

  86. Stephen permalink

    My Dad is my hero cos he said no to one big city promotion after another, happy to be on basic wage, to be with us. We never had big presents for Christmas, we never went on fancy holidays, but every day my Dad was there for me, talking together, walking together, eating together. I hope I can one day be half the father he is. And thanks to him and my Mum, who have never ever let me down, I have my Christian faith to help me find my way when I get lost.

  87. Kai permalink

    I agree, the absence of father’s involvement is having a huge impact on our families and our future generations. But it is not as simple as just “start spending more time at home”. As some others have already said, too many of us are giving all we have and we can’t even make the ends meet.
    My husband and I took this weekend off to spend time with our grandkids, and to give our daughter a weekend off from being a single mom. But, we are about out of food, couldn’t pay the car insurance (so we are now driving illegally, again), my truck has very little brakes, all four of my tires have “plugs” in holes in them (as do two of my husbands tires), our afore mentioned daughter needs her molars removed but she has no insurance, nor do we and we can’t help, our son has seizures, blah, blah, blah, and the list goes on.
    And there is nothing unique about our story. I promise you that in YOUR church, in YOUR community, ALL around YOU, in the places you buy your groceries and your fuel and what-not, there are many people in far “worse shape”.
    The “absence” of father’s is HUGE. The absence of the father’s blessing is crippling. And with the absence of fathers has come the absence of community. And the men and boys around us need MENTORS, they need to see what a Godly man “looks” like.
    So, my point is that the “fix” to this problem is getting personally involved with the people around you. Because YOU see people everyday who are dis-heartened, and worn out, and in need. And many, many of them have never “seen” (not heard) what a loving, Godly man (person) looks like. And many, many of them feel “on their own”, to figure it out.
    I love my church. And I love my home study group. But, when they asked for prayer requests last week, I told them I was weary and worn down and need prayer for strength and direction, because “the ends just aren’t meeting”. And it was said that “we” need to stop whining and feeling sorry for ourselves. And be sure that I won’t put myself in that place again. And they are in a different class than I, and I understand that.
    Yes, we need our men back. But we aren’t going to get them back by telling them what they are doing wrong (or not doing right). We will only get them back when some one starts SHOWING them “how to do it right”.
    I have been a single mother most of the last twenty years. And, for all their lives, I have told my children, every chance I get, how much I love them and how precious and valuable they are. But it wasn’t “working”. And about 4 years ago, it occured to me that by doing what I was doing, I was teaching them how to love and value OTHER PEOPLE. To teach them how to love and value themselves, they had to SEE me LOVING MYSELF.
    If we want our men back, they need mentors. We can talk and teach and preach all day, but they won’t get it, until they can SEE how it is done.

    • Keith permalink

      Pray.

      As I wrote my first post three more people have posted.

      I see, some folks get it.
      We need to put the tools of the Bible in the hands of all.

      Pray.

  88. Keith permalink

    Everyone speaks as though it’s clearly a two sided coin. Either you work to much and neglect the family, or, your “priorities” are in the right place and you spend the correct amount of time with family.
    Mr. Brown,
    This issue involves both the husband and the wife!
    This wouldn’t even be an issue if it were just “the men”!
    We have both male and females in this situation and it has to be addressed accordingly.
    This is not a “simple fix” issue.
    First get rid of TV and viseo games!
    As a husband and father, one must maintain the minimum requirements for the health and safety of the family. Both the physical and spiritual needs of the family must be upheld while keeping God as the center of all.
    Now, this where it gets complicated. Each “family” has different requirements. Each spouse has expectations based on how they were raised. Each spouse was raised with different values. The couples that were blessed enough to find a spouse who was raised with “like values” are not reading this and addressing this as a problem.
    Since the movement towards “womens rights” and “equality for women”. All “hell” broke lose.
    Well, now we have generations of women in the work place, women who open there “own” doors, women with there “own” friends. Without making it obious, women have separated them selves from the family unit. They have “demanded” themselves into a sociaty with unclear “boundries” for men. Men are now very confused.
    Hence, the birth of homosexuality.
    Now please keep mind that I’m speaking in “general terms”. What I’m saying does not include 100% of todays woman or men. As mentioned before, some couples are the salt.
    This brings us to the “men” side.
    Women have gotten “stronger”, and men,… Wimps!
    Men have turned into soft, lazy and submisive wimps. Its easier for some men to stay at work rather than be home and take on the multifaceted resposibalities of raising children and seeing to the needs of a “female adult”. In todays culture it is unclear to most males,(beliver or not) what or how the are to see to the needs of a family.
    What do they know? Work for money to solve all the problems!
    We have been blasted for decades with the “american dream” … The need to succeed!
    Now we are stuck, “catch 22”, “between a rock and a hard place”.
    This said, the placing of blame, or singleing out the man as the cause is wrong. This is a cultural issue and should be addressed as such!

  89. Demands on the job for more productivity have certainly cut into a man’s time with his family. But it still all boils down to where the heart is. I have a friend who has a high-powered job in equity sales (and he also owns several small businesses of his own). He goes to work at 4 a.m. every day, puts in a hard day’s work and then devotes his entire evening to caring for his three children–play, baths, bedtime stories, the whole bit. Why? Because he loves his kids and he loves the Lord. If a workaholic can make time in his life for his family, I would think almost anyone could if he truly wanted to. Admittedly, my friend is an high-energy individual (he’s an ex-NFLer) so can do more than someone of lesser energy. But anyone can make the time that he has at home quality time for his family–that means TV, computer activities, etc. must be way down on the list of priorities. The guys I know seem to be doing an excellent job of this. I see lots of fathers that are very much hands-on in raising their children.

  90. Christine permalink

    While a female I can really sympathise. As the sole breadwinner I am working 2 jobs just to make ends meet, We need the income of my long hours. As an employee I feel duty bound to do my best. Yet I am constantly torn as I want to spend more time with my children too. We are called to work diligently and to do all to the glory of God and how can we do this if we do not give it our best. Yet, how can we give it our best if we spend the time that we would like to with family? My children have and are paying heavily for my work committments. To balance different often competing committments is difficult.

  91. Emily permalink

    I totally agree with you. I don’t get why there were any negative comments.

  92. Lynn permalink

    I FEEL LIKE I DON’T EVEN HAVE A HUSBAND. I AM DISABLED SO I CAN’T DO A LOT OF THE THINGS I USED TO DO. WE HAVE SEPERATE BEDROOMS BECAUSE I’M ON OXYGEN AND DON’T REALLY SLEEP MUCH. MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK AND GOES UPSTAIRS TO HIS ROOM, COMES DOWN TO EAT, AND GOES BOWLING 5 NIGHTS A WEEK,PLUS WORKS OVERTIME WHENEVER HE CAN. HE DOESN’T HUG ME OR HOLD ME ANY MORE. I FEEL LIKE A WIDOW.

  93. Patty permalink

    Isn’t that what satan wants? Division of family is seperation of God. satan knows what God desires of us; To love our God with all our heart, with all our mind, and all our soul. Can’t do that if we are being self-ish and self-centered. It is both men and women.

  94. Jackie Shearin permalink

    My husband overworks a lot too. I love him a lot but only wishes he didn’t have to work so hard

  95. marti permalink

    Over the yrs some men(not all) have neglected their role of what God intended for the man’s role to be. Negelected for what ever reason, their own manly pleasures after work, have to get to the golf coarse, have to entertain in the strip clubs, have to ride my motorcycle, I have to work more because the wife wants more and more(not all wives, but some). All causing the woman of the yrs having to assume the role of the man in the family along with the womans role too. Then when the man comes home he just wants to rest and have quiet. Impossible, I might add. Then woman become growly and get the famous “B” word assigned to them. I just think if Men would be Men, Women would be Women.

  96. Ilya permalink

    My wife left because I worked too much. Not a good reason if you ask me. Even after I stopped working late she still dumped me, so it was probably a front. Men used to go off for months or years at a time to go to off to war or to trade. How about we see an article about the wife’s loyalty towards their husbands? A lot more is written in the Bible about that, lets see some of that up there.

    • Keith permalink

      Amen! Brother. Amen!
      Truth be told right here!!!!

  97. marti permalink

    I also want to add, I too think Men have become wimps and women have become Feel stronger and smarter than men. And in some cases they are, but that is not what God intended and that is what I mean about men being men. People have gotten away from learning and teaching their children God’s word and then living by it to show the children how to act, live and how to be honorable. And now in todays world you have those men who have only daughters, so therefore they teach them to be a man and that they can do the man thing to make up for the missing son, like hunting(although nothing wrong with a women being able to hunt), spitting, rough talk, fighting, how to be tough. This is not just an opinion I have made up, I have seen it. These girls have grown up thinking they can take any man in a fight, they can get what they want by being tough and rough. Men can teach their girls to be girls without teaching them to be men.

  98. HarleyRose permalink

    Can we agree with one scripture denying the other?

    I understand the necessity to provide for a man’s (or as a single parent that I am) family sometimes the work schedule dictates rather than our heart of where we would rather be, at home with our families. Unfortunately, necessity is often the requirement to provide food, utilities etc. If you have a choice, that is different.

    I often said that a man (or woman) that has sacrificed their family for the job… working for something like 30 years at the same place will walk out that gate someday for only people to say the following week… Who was that? I’ve witnessed it personally.

    It goes to show the scripture is clear, if we invest times in our childrens lives, in our families, with a spouse… “we (will) reap what we sow.” So the question remains for me, does putting your job first before your family and God become an “idol” in our lives? The bible says it does hmmm.

  99. marti permalink

    IIya
    I am sorry for that. Your right women should be loyal to their men. women need to be women as well as Men being Men. I do not know your circumstances so I can not comment on anything about your wife. But I do agree with the loyalty. Men need to be men so women would be women according to God’s plan

  100. Bobby permalink

    Pastor Mark,

    You just love hitting on those touchy subjects don’t you? Good! I’ve been there and done that. Chasing the “American Dream” was a major cause in the loss of my first marriage of 22 years. I was saved, but the marriage was not. I have a newer perspective on my life now. Far from perfecting it, but trying to spend more time with my new wife, and not be so wrapped up in the position I have or the money I’m making at work. I have been unemployed twice since Dec 08 and each time God has seen us through, even when my wife was also laid off (and still is) at the same time.

    We have our own questions as to what we are supposed to be learning by continually going backwards in the area of jobs and pay, but we try to make due with the fact that God is still providing (and always was) for our needs. Maybe He just needed us to really “know” this.

    Back to the subject matter at hand. Man works too much, trying to provide, keep up with the Jones, provide those extras the little woman wants, and just make himself feel better in general (because he’s “prosperous”). Long hours and late nights, pretty soon the little mother waiting at home for him doesn’t look so good. The child(ren) he was so proud to have fathered because a distraction in his”down time”. Pretty soon the downward spiral of family collapse starts spinning so fast neither husband or wife knows how to stop it.

    I’m just speaking from the mans side, and yes I’ve been there and lost that. While I was reading through a chapter in proverbs 23:4-5 last Thurs; ” Do not overwork to be rich; Because of your own understanding, cease! Will you set your eyes on that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings; They fly away like an eagle toward heaven.”

    In the end, all of this “wordly” stuff, is just stuff. We men have to make sure we don’t make it more important than our families. GOD BLESS!

  101. Kristen permalink

    Hello Pastor Mark,

    I am 19 years old, and just today it came to my attention that my dad and I don’t talk much. He has a demanding out-of-town job, and I am in college now. We didn’t see much of each other before I started college, and now that I’m also incredibly busy we talk even less. It’s a double-edged sword though, because I know that without his job I wouldn’t be in college. Sometimes though, whenever he’s home watching TV, I’ll bring the book I’m reading into the living room and just sit there. He always asks me why I don’t go study somewhere more quiet. Well, frankly, just being the room with him makes me feel closer to him. My mom quit work when I was born, and she has been home ever since. I have a fantastic relationship with her. Sometimes when I do get to talk to Dad it’s awkward because he’s so out of the loop with my life and who I am.
    This was a conversation my mom and I had before he got home from work today, and then I read your post. This really hits home for me, and I know it’s not all his fault. I’m busy too. It seems he always tries to reach out to me when I’m engrossed in research papers or reading Shakespeare. I absolutely cherish the moments when we’re both free and we can sit down and watch House together or something like that.

  102. Sister Pam OP permalink

    Yes, I agree completely. The solution is not as simple as one not working as much. Part of the problem is the economy. People are working harder for less. Expectations are greater with people fearful of losing jobs. Another part of the problem is our value system with an emphasis on material possessions. A lack of responsible male role models is another part of the problem.

  103. Dean permalink

    Mark you hit the nail on the head. I see this across New Zealand. I suffer from this myself. I travel for work, I work long hours and my head is often full of work until my wife and three children are long asleep.
    The issue in New Zealand has worsen over the last couple of years when costs have continued to rise for the average family both inflation related (although we are told inflation is under 2%), but as children grow and progress through school, they eat more, kids activities increase – all with a cost.
    So the average family has there fixed costs that generally move with inflation, increasing costs of a growing family and fixed income as most people got no increase in 2009 and are struggling to get 2-3% for 2010.
    The upshot of these two key factors is something has to give – either costs need to reduce OR we need more income!
    There is more than one way to increase income – could be getting a better paid job; striving to achieve bonuses; working over time; taking a second job; sending wife or kids out to work (my oldest is 8 so that one wont work); taking in a boarder or two??
    WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
    Jesus did not need all the STUFF we feel we need/deserve!
    Maybe we need to re-align our expenditure to fit the new world economy!!
    Some things one might consider – getting a cheaper house to own or cheaper rent; moving closer to work, school and church so fuel costs reduce; consider an cheaper to own and run car or having one car – our parents survived with one car (My Dad road a Vespa to work back in the 70’s); use public transport; bike or walk if you are lucky enough to live in a city where this is safe.
    So 2 choices – earn more OR spend less?
    It may be radical but why not earn the same or less so you can spend more time with you wife, your children and God: this can only be achieved by a radical down shift in what you spend. God Bless

  104. joseph f pou permalink

    We are each in charge of how we spend our time. If were too busy to do the things we want, then its up to us to modify our day/week so we can incorperate the things we want to do. Some people use their job or commitments as an excuse for why they dont get the time they need, yet our job and to a large extent, our committments are within our control also. It maybe we have to make some big desisions reguarding how we spend our time if were going to achieve what we truly want. Where there is a will, there is a way

  105. David LeSesne permalink

    Yes, I agree completely, THIS IS GODS WORD, listen to me GODS WORD. For them that have a problem with this , then the problem is within them, it’s greed. They will say bills have to be paid, WRONG IT’S GREED, you don’t have to have that over sized/priced house you are never in other than to sleep, nor that over priced car that will not love you back, nor all that crap your children have given to them they don’t need but WANT so they can be proud (SIN ITSELF) and don’t really care about it , due to it was just handed to them, most never have to work for there so called Toys Big Boy or Tenn Toys. Thats not love, it’s just making that man fill good about himself, for just a moment. anyways my Friend Keep teaching gods word, WE need it, many don’t like the truth if they did they would not have a problem with this, being it’s the TRUTH as GODS word can only be.. So you men having a problem with what this young man is teaching, ? for you, Do you believe all GODS word or just what fit’s into your Life. God Bless . David LeSesne

    • KitsuSan permalink

      David,
      It’s very obvious you sir,… don’t have a clue!!

      You must not know the people that live in that little tiny house that needs a new roof. The ones with only one car from the late 70’s. The family where every member needs new shoes. They don’t smoke or do alcohol. They walk to church. They use the food bank. They shop at salvation army when they have the extra money. The mom takes care of the kids the best she can with what she has. The oldest boy gives all his paper route money to mom for food.
      And Dad? He works, he works a lot more than he should in your opinion. But it’s work, it’s all he’s qualified to do because his parents couldn’t afford college tuition. The dad is in the Word of GOD daily, he comes to wednesday night Bible study(he walks). The man prays, he prays hard and often. ….
      Go ahead mr. david le’sensless .. go yell at him for not doing it just as YOU belive he should! But beware, Cause if I’m there, You ARE Going Down!!!

  106. PTL!!!
    This truly isn’t something new, for as the world begins to gain a better grasp on the church, people are falling away from both family and GOD. Truly the worst of these is GOD, for in falling away from HIM we care not about the other at all. There is one big problem though, this is also happening to those that lead the churches( and ministries). They seek to gain, or grow, that which they believe GOD wills for them too and forget that we are called to “seek ye first”. This first pertains to GOD and HIS will for our lives being first and foremost, then our work for HIM, then family and last but not least of jobs. Only when we maintain this order can we remain in right standing before GOD and in the long run keep all our priorities in order!!!

  107. Helene R permalink

    YARN???? YARN typically refers to a ‘tall tale’, and while it can refer to a narrative of adventures, it can also refer to a ‘story’. The Bible is NOT a yarn, nor simply a ‘story.’
    The Bible is God’s infallible, inspired, account of things present, past, and future events around Himself and mankind. You may mean well, but PLEASE re-title your Bible reading program. We are not to change one jot or tittle..that should prevent us from changing as much as the dot of the i or the stroke of the t! God’s Word has a strict warning about tampering with the text. While we are on the topic, why not check out something like Henry Morris’s article on why we should stay with the King James 1611 text. There are VERY GOOD and urgent reasons to research this topic. Please do not shortchange yourself. Meantime, thanks for the good stuff you DO have online.

    • KitsuSan permalink

      Hey, Helene…
      You write like an educated human… Do you really think that title matters to the Rev? None of this is real.
      There’s no hope or healing here….
      You can see that right?

      And,.. you say bro brown has good stuff on line?
      Oh pray-tell my good … um human… where?

      The only true “good stuff” is in your bible!!

  108. This is very true in the sense that mostly men focused on just one thing ..”work” but didn’t they knew that even giving the most out of it, it lacks something in it..i mean true happiness and contentment in every thing u do plays a major role.. Though they provide everything for the family , they are not excuse..didn’t it ever cross their mind that we “WOMEN” need quality time,care and love in return..

  109. I struggle with this because we prayed my husband would get a good job and God supplied then layoffs came we prayed again for a promotion that would take him out of the line of layoffs again God supplied now he works 10 hour days alot of 7 day weeks no time for home or family when he’s here he tries to make up for it. And more than onced we have said theres more important things than money. we need more quality time but he doesn’t have a choice its be there or be fired and in this economy who can give up a good job they are so hard to find and there you see our struggle. Any advise?

  110. KitsuSan permalink

    “Australian Anglican Priest, Mark Brown is taking the idea of web ministry to the extreme.”
    Is it Priest? Father? Pastor? Rev.? …
    What it iiiss bro?

    I’m watching all these posts go by and wondering how many divorces are caused. Due to the fact that a spouse is spending all there spare time typing a reply to comments like:

    “And I completely understand the need to work, to bring in money for the family – this needs to happen! But I see men take high pressured, time hungry jobs that consume their thoughts even when they are not at work, just so they can have a nice house and/or car.”

    Dude, don’t you think that’s kind of shallow?

    “”just so they can have a nice house and/or car””
    But look! Look how many people have wasted time here!!
    Do all these people really think what they say matters to any one after they shut off the computer?!

    The really sad part about this whole thing is…. HERE I SIT!!!
    Like all these other people who have been fooled, tricked, trapped, decieved and convinced that someone cares about what they type.

    So Bro,
    why don’t you help these lost lonely people and tell them to shut off the machine and get on their knees to only One True GOD that can do anything about this fallen world.
    Oh, wait, If they did that… How would the Rev get his due. ‘Cause “you like to start things”… Your words Bro.

    Read your Bible people!! Beware of False Prophets!!

    Talk to GOD!! Not a machine!! PRAY!!!

  111. Debbie permalink

    I think you are right, however, sometimes they work so much because they have to. Not for a big beautiful house,or a luxury car, or a boat; but because they have to pay the bills just to make ends meet. We have a house, 2 cars with no payments, and my husband has to work extra hours just to put food on the table and gas in the vehicles.

    • Dean permalink

      Debbie, check out my comment a few above yours. Maybe some tough decision would be better than working extra. Could you live closer to work; do you need two cars?? What you have will be no good for you when time come to meet our maker. God Bless

  112. Jefro permalink

    How can a man be the head of his home if he is not there and involved in the lives of everyone who takes refuge there? A man is supposed to help his wife and children carry their burdons, then he is supposed to place them at the feet of Jesus Christ! How can he do that if he is not home. Worse yet when he is home and hides in sports, video games, or hobbies. Thanks for bringing this to light.
    My your words bless and build men’s and women’s lives through Christ Jesus!

  113. Helen permalink

    Nice post, i think ur wife and kids are so blessed to have someone like you. remain blessed

  114. Camille B. permalink

    I agree that in this day and age most of us are working too hard. Yes, I realize that a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet and therefore putting in extra hours just to maintain what they have. I too, have found myself overexerting myself physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally, analyzing what else I can do to maintain and even get ahead. So for this season of my life I am readjusting my focus…

    Matthew 6:25-34
    25″Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

    28″And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

    I am taking my mind off of what I can do physically and trusting that God will supply my needs and He will grant me the desires of my heart. Have I stopped working; NO. I just work with a different motive. It is my desire to walk out my day with God’s will for my life in mind. Whether its work, taking care of my daughter, being a good friend, etc.

    I am trusting that, as long as I keep God 1st, He will bless the work of my hands.

  115. marti permalink

    Money is an addiction, the more you have the more you want, the more money you have the more material things you can buy, so the more you want, want want. Men and women alike need to slow down and have the strength to tell their children “No”. That when they are old enough and have their own source of income then and only then will they have certain items. Keep up with the Jone’s is the situation everyone has found themselves in. Have to have the “best’ of the best or you are nobody. Women need to slow down and quit being so demanding of their men that they have to have have have. Always having to have a new car or new furniture a new cell phone, 7 pairs of shoes, ect ect. They need to set good examples for their children, so that the men can be more family oriented. Men need to be more respectful toward their wives. And it all starts with the understanding of Go’d word. Be the headship of the family, live respectable and show good examples or responsability. Not just You can’t because I say you can’t. We are all higher intelligence and need to know why we can’t. and it needs to make sense in our human minds.

  116. mmisti permalink

    Amen!The man is suppost to be the leader of the house and lead the family.I am so blessed to have a wonderful man not perfect, but that I love and respect and look forward to seeing when he gets home from work. Jesus has his hand on us.Thanks for the topic I know it might offend some people and others will open there heart and listen.

  117. Larry permalink

    Men are taught from an early age to conquer. Taught to build bigger houses, make the most dollars, buy a dually–biggest and baddest you can get, do it bigger and better than the next guy.
    Warrior mentality was basically for survival. The American Indians moved where the food supply went. The American male today sees the lack of truth in the nation’s leader–compared to an axis of evil in other countries…
    We have 535 Leaders? that are following the path of humanism in America.

  118. Men are too busy!
    Business has now become one of Satan’s best tools, because it allows men to cloak passivity in useless or excessive activity in things that don’t really matter.
    Many of the things that have men busy are not in of themselves bad, but among a list of problems one is that business has distracted us from the urgency that we need a Savior!

    I am with you Mark and I stepped out into full time ministry to men in 2007 and I only see the increased need to reach and equip men with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    Bless you and protect you as you seek to live God’s will for your life!

    Tom

  119. Ray permalink

    While I do agree that some (and I said some) men really do put their jobs before thier families and that is just plain WRONG. However, there are many men who work “excessively” to provide for their families out of necessities which does not even mean trying to live the “American Dream.” It should be noted however that man were made to work; and the Bible does say that if a man does not work he does not eat. The problem is not the work but rather finding the right balance. There many men who work hard but still do find the time to be the family man. Rather than debating this scripture with such a limited focus, the time would be better spend by those men who have achieved such balance to help the men who have not to see the benefits of finding the right balance.

    No one spend much time talking about the enormous pressures that men face in all faucet of life…and everywhere we turn, it is the negative stuff that is always being pointed out about men. Maybe we don’t have it right, but many men sure do try their best to get it right and do something. As the Bible in Hebrews 3:13 “But exhort one another daily…..”, let us rather encourage men to find such balance in their live and therefore fulfill the commandments of Christ.

    Just one other thing, I have heard many messages on Ephesians 5 and almost always inevitable missing from those messages is what the scriptures say about the wife. Let me also say that the responsibility of the family is not only the man but the both husband and wife and working together in all aspects. If we are going to talk about scriptures, lets do so in full context and not just a couple verses. I hope that more time will be spent encouraging one another in whats right about what they are doing not just talking about the not so good….Jesus even when he rebuked His disciples, went on the encourage them…..LET’S ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER.

  120. Jim Holloway permalink

    It is interesting how you have chosen this scripture to call men to account for their worldly work ethic. I agree completely that it can be used to deal with this problem but primarily it is to help men understand their role in marriage. How often do opponents of the Bible attack the concept of submission for wives which immediately precedes this instruction. We all have heard the passage about wives submitting to their husbands but if it is read without including this passage it is only part of the message & over the years nhas been totally misconstrued.

    When read in conjunction, it sems to me, that the wife is to submit to her husband when he loves her as Christ loved the church, so much he died for it. In other words she is to submit to a ” tyranny of love.” If the husband is following Scripture he will always consider what is best for his wife before asking her to submit to it, just as Christ does with us.

  121. Jim Holloway permalink

    PaRt 2

    I know Christ only has plans that are for my good, even when I can’t see the good because I am focused on the flesh instead of the eternal. I am happy ( being honest, most times ) to submit5 to his will as I know in my heart of hearts it is for4 my eternal good. If our wives could have as much confidence in our plans being God inspired & considerate of them then I am confident there would be a lot more submision.

    I firmly believe the rise of feminism was because men failed to lay down their lives for their wives & just exercised power over them, thus leading to the revolution that is the4 inevitable result of oppression. Husbands love your wives & children & think of them first. No 1 it will cure workaholism as well as restore harmony to your family life.

  122. Xchoi permalink

    I read quite a few of the prior posts(dozens) and was surprised to read such strong emotions attached to this subject. I also live in the Midwest which IS going through a transitional period. It IS tough. However if we are honest with ourselves… (JUST SOME THINGS I PERSONALLY OBSERVED ) Some of our husbands worked these hours BEFORE things were bad and it was NOT to make ends meet. It was because “we” and I say we because it is not fair to blame all the extras on the wife. Men like toys too.(I read several posts where the complaint was husbands “gaming” after coming home) I will say again “we” wanted extras and “we” weren’t good stewards with surplus income. Now while this is not the case for everyone..it was the case for far too many of us. Blaming one another will not solve the issue..more time with our husbands. I will respectfully suggest looking at what we really can live without. We had two gas guzzling vehicles and I went to my husband and said as family I can live without mine (minivan), Every family can’t do this but I knew that maintaining my vehicle was a hardship at the time (and yes we do have children) but when couples come together and each decide where “they” are willing to sacrifice to get the life they want things work better. I had parents in the auto industry and I am no stranger to a “feast/famine” cycle. So when I married my husband, I knew how to buy in bulk, to sew when we couldn’t afford to buy and how stretch every penny. Instead of complaining about each other, try praying together and asking God to show you how to navigate this difficult period and Believe He Will Do It.

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