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How to deal with rude people.

April 27, 2010

Luke 6:27: ‘But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you.’

I had intended to reflect on way more Scripture than this, but I couldn’t get past verse 27! What a seriously powerful message!!

Recently someone I hardly know was unbelievably rude to me, and my initial reaction was to get angry and upset, and try and work out a way of getting back at them. My reaction certainly wasn’t to love them and be nice to them – and this is why this reading is so tremendously challenging.

Enemies in the greek is those who are rude and hostile towards us, people who for whatever reason treat us badly. And rather than lash out Jesus challenges us to respond in a completely different way. The first word is Love which in the greek is agapao and literally means to have generous concern for, to value and esteem, to be faithful towards and delight in. And then there is good which in the greek is kalos and refers to speaking well of someone, praising and applauding them.

So if someone is rude to me or treats me badly Jesus is saying that I am to treat them with considerable respect like they are a close special friend or dear family member… wow. I read the Bible and God is forming me, smoothing out my rough edges.. and now I am ready to love my enemy and do good to them. This is nothing short of stunning.

Is it just me or does this Scripture challenge you?

God bless ya!

Mark

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139 Comments
  1. Ben permalink

    All must be done in love.This love is a fruit of the Holy Spirit,daily being developed in us,to reflect Jesus to all.It comes with trials and tribulations and love for Him by keeping His commandments.You can have all gifts,but if it is not done by compassion which is an outflow of this love of Christ in me,it is all in vain.An absence off that love in a born again person,reflect anger and an abuse of God’s word to prove a point.With love,it is not necessary to prove a point,because love conquers all.
    God bless you
    Regards
    Ben(South Africa)

  2. Alison permalink

    Love those who are rude to you – the only way i manage to do this is to pray hard to the Lord and ask Him what he wants me to do about it!

  3. christine permalink

    I had a friend in Japan whose children were not Japanese but lived in a regular Japanese neighborhood. They were Christians brought up to love their enemies. Several days the Japanese neighbors would taunt the children but on this particular day one of the slashed the bicycle tires of the Christian boy. When he returned home his mom and he talked and prayed and decided that the only thing to do was to bake cookies and forgive the boy. They did so and then brought the cookies to the boy’s house and forgave him in person. Talk about turning the other cheek.

    • Rhonda permalink

      This sounds wonderful in a perfect world. I find it hard to believe that a person who could slash tires could be touched by someone bringing cookies to him! My advice to this family is to watch your back. Being a Christian is not just all about being a sitting duck.

      • When God says to love your enemies – it’s not (necessarily) for their benefit, but much more for your benefit. When you feel anger and resentment towards someone you carry that around with you like baggage and it may hinder your ability to minister to those who are not your enemies. It will also get in the way of you listening to God, and receiving grace from other Christians around you. While your enemies may sometimes gain something from your forgiveness and good treatment – the primary benefactor is yourself.

    • marie permalink

      Christine,

      This was a surprising “read” for me. I lived in Japan for 3 years and the only time I saw rudeness from the Japanese was in traffic or a department store sale. Amazing and shocking. The Japanese are the most polite and gracious people I have ever met. Oh, that all Christians would be that polite and gracious. I am proud of the Christians for doing the right thing. Who knows where those “ripples” will go?

  4. Larry Cratty permalink

    We are told to imitate Jesus. Look how Jesus was treated. He was crucifed. He came to seek and to save those who were lost. He was mocked, He was beaten, He was rejected. 1st John 3:16 says “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 1st Cor 13 describes love. Would be a good idea to read that and see what true love is like. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. John 13:35 says “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Do we show love like that?

  5. heidi permalink

    thank you lord most of the time i catch myself ,and do what Jesus comanded me to do ,
    i have the problem were i loose it sometimes qith my husband,,,,,,,,,,,and every morning i say i wont get involved in any situation with him, and i fall again,
    he is very verbally abusive with me ,is dictating me around , and uses foul language and i catch him at porno on the internet, i took the internet from him , i am the one that pays the bills from my late husbands money,i want to stay calm , but when i saw him on porno a few days back, that was the end , he is 75 and i am 67years old , i want so much to walk in the spirit and just about every day satan tries use my husband to fall , glory to god i can most of the time catch myself and be strong, please help me ! pray for my situation,thank you so much and be blessed

    • Ashley permalink

      Your situation sounds very much like mine except the person who is my “enemy” is my father but my mother’s husband. He had countless affairs, introduced my brothers to porno, was both physically and verbally abusive and abandoned me and my family for someone else. Now I just don’t know how to act around him. This verse is extremely challenging for me and my initial action is to skip it. But I know the Lord is wanting me to learn this. Truly, it is a battle, every day, in which we must wield the full armor of God.

    • Diane Roberson permalink

      Heidi,
      I am praying God will guide you and intervene in your situation. I was once married to an abuser. May God rest his soul. He started out with verbal abuse and then went physical. I went to work and left him because I had to leave or the situation would have gotten worse. I went through a lot of abuse but I always forgave him and went back but he didn’t change in time. It took me many years to recover from all of this. He died six years ago from cirhosis because of his drinking. I have forgiven him because I know that Satan was behind all of it and he took over my husbands life to kill my spirit. Since you are an older lady, I would hope that you would get out of the situation and live out your days serving the Lord. Porno is a heidious sin and you could be in danger!

    • Sister Pam OP permalink

      Dear Heidi,
      I am praying for you and your husband. God loves you and does not want you to be abused. I pray for your healing.

    • April permalink

      Heidi
      My heart goes out to you! I am praying for you. I hate it that your 75 year OLD husband is looking at porn! Satan can and will attack us at any age!

  6. denise permalink

    It is NOT easy… then it gets to the point where people will continue to be that way if you let them. You need to draw the line and not be a doormat.

    • gayle permalink

      I agree with Denise. The book Boundaries addresses this from a Christian perspective. We do need to tell people that they are crossing a boundary and you would be happy to speak to them later once they have calmed down. I do not believe God’s instructions are for Christians to be doormats.

      • we are to be meek to the word and to pray for those (not pray at them) who despitefully use us. this doesn’t not mean allowing ourselves to be the subject of their abuse. you can get very hurt this way. christ suffered so we would not be physically hurt. when it comes to emotional pain, that’s the work of the devil in their hearts and we need to take strong authority of that devil and bind him from hurting us. meanwhile, we can be calm, knowing that God is working on that person and the devil is fighting to keep them in his clutches. until then, we can ask God to protect us from them and keep them away from us. we are his children and he doesn’t want us to get hurt. would you want your children to get hurt?????? i have seen Christians physically damaged by crazies and this is not supposed to happen so keep your eyes open and don’t be afraid to keep strong physically and emotional boundaries. greater is he that is in you when you REALIZE that. the loving thing to do is let father God work thru you and show that you are loving AND STRONG!

      • pam permalink

        Denise I agree I will be a doormat for Jesus for I know my reward is with HIM thru eternity… here on earth dealing with trials is a blink of an eye!

      • I know this might seem hard in today American culture. But Jesus tells us to love our enemy like we love our family, and to imitate him. He went from city to city(as well as his disciples) and got ridiculed and stoned. Not once did he say, “stop it please, this isn’t fair.”

  7. denise permalink

    Also if you are trying to force yourself to love your enemy or people who are rude to you, it’s forced and therefore hypocritical. It’s not real. It’s human emotion to get angry.

    • You are leaning to your own understanding, you are to stay in the word, study to show yourself approved. The bible says, “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. When you act according to word you are NOT being hypocritical (legalistic/natural or worldy mind) you are being obedient. Pray your way through!

    • Sister Pam OP permalink

      Jesus is our example.He does not force his love, he offers it. That love may be accepted or rejected. It is a choice. Either way, Jesus continues to love. To love does not mean to be a buddy to someone who wrongs us. As Father Mark points out, it is to respect and esteem them. It is to wish them well despite the harm they may have done. A person can do this without having close contact with the person.

  8. Keala N. Lee Alkebu-Lan permalink

    Rev. Mark, no sir. It is not just you. This scripture challenges me unlike any other. From my estranged spouse that walked out on me and our four children. To the co-worker that tries me because they want to see if I’m really the Christian that I say I am. All the way down to the disrespectful shopper in the supermarket that thinks she can say whatever it is she likes to whomever she wants.
    I’m in a constant struggle with acting on impulse, emotional responses and taming my tongue. I wasn’t a coward in the world, so I don’t feel like I should become one now that I live for Christ.
    I am a work in progress. Someone once said, “I’m not where I want to be; But thank God, I’m not where I used to be.”

    • Brenda permalink

      I too struggle with not being rude in response to someone who pushes all the “right” buttons. So I feel that I have more touble keeping from being the one that is rude. I am for sure a work in progress and regret the times I didn’t control my reactions.

  9. marti permalink

    It is challenging to confront rude people in a peaceful way. Start out each day talking to God and asking for him to help handle any rude people if they appraoch during the day. You never know how kind words may change the mind set of Some people.

  10. Sandi permalink

    It isn’t something our flesh wants to do, but it is a command of God. We will not “feel” like loving that person, but must if we want to be obedient. Heidi I am praying for you.

  11. Donna permalink

    Most people can be rude to others at least once in their lifetime. If you look back to those times, it’s normally because you are weighed down with the cares of this world or a million other issues you may be confronting. With that in mind, pray for God to let you see that person who has been rude to you through HIS eyes, with HIS heart and understanding. And PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for that person and YOURSELF that God will help you to know how best to minister. Thank you so much for sharing a wonderful insight from God’s word!

  12. Steve Gill permalink

    This scripture Challenges everyone. This is where we “fail” more often than not. I don’t care who you are….. we don’t walk this way enough. Oh yes…. I’m included. Please Lord give us the courage to NOT DESIRE to fight back but to Love. Thank you. All the Glory goes to you!

  13. Sonia Joubert permalink

    This is certainly a “rude” awakening! Wow! Treat them like I realy care about them? To forgive and let go and forget is so much easier. Maybe in my case it is what God expects of me, and not to befriend these enemies because it can hurt me and my family. But if ever their paths might cross mine, it would be hard to treat them like I care for them. Guess that’s what Godly love is. God bless all of you!

  14. Jessica permalink

    Revenge is mine sayth the lord. We always try to take matters in too our own hands, but we just cant do like he can. So love em, that seems to bug them even more!!God Bless<3<3

  15. Irene Clark permalink

    I do a lot of praying regarding this issue. Rude people seems to be attracted to me! I can be kind to them at the time, but my sin is my thoughts afterward (not godly for sure). I pray daily that God will help with these sinful thoughts. I do not allow these rude people to use me as a doormat – I do try to avoid them as much as possible. I pray for them. I do try to be kind when we have contact. I ask for all your prayers though for me to eliminate the nasty thoughts I have regarding these rude and mean people.

  16. Enid permalink

    Oh Lord! Wow, this used to be a very big struggle for me. I work with three people, who insist on making others’ lives miserable. Thw sad thing is, that one of them is a Christian. I found myself really challenged because I wasn’t able to control myself, while under attack by these co-workers. I would always pray asking God to change them. In doing so, I was saying that they were wrong in their actions and I was right (pride). That didn’t seems to work. Then one day, I decided to change my prayer and I began to ask God to change me. Only then, were my prayers answered. They still continue to act the way they did but it doesn’t affect me any more. Now I can pray and ask God to touch them in a special way, that they would accept the Lord as their one and only Lord and Savior. And, that they would see what the Lord had done in me and serve as a testimony to the greatness of our God…

    May our Lord continue to bless you and your family and continue to expand your territory…

    • Manda Olckers permalink

      Enid, yes, you did what Jesus asked of you….keep on doing what you do…you WILL BE BLESSED!!!!! Phil 4:19……..

  17. If only it were so simple. Anyone who disrespects my children… deliberately or, passive aggressively, it is very hard to push aside. How do you deal with THAT? You tell me. God allows righteous anger and for children, who cannot defend themselves and depend on me, their mother, to protect them, well… give me an example of how to deal.

    • Brandy P permalink

      I too find this a struggle. My ex-husband dates a very young girl who treats my youngest (who is only 9, and started when she was only 7) like dirt. Yet, in my anger, he uses my frustration to tell me I am not a very “good Christian”. I am still working on this one…..my heart goes out to you and your children.

    • Laurel permalink

      I know how you feel…I raised 4 kids on my own. My biggest issues are you don’t mess with my kids and you don’t mess with my money :). But you can speak the truth in love, His love, and still get your point across.

      When times come that you need to stand up for your kids, remember the lessons that God has taught about how to treat others. And I’ve had to realize that (personally) if I have come from a messed up family with messed up values and God still loves me, then I have to allow for imperfection in others, also.

      And remember that God does not promise that we will have only good in this life. Our children will have to learn that others are not nice, that bad things happen but they need to know that God is always there.

  18. JoAnn permalink

    This certainly makes sense & I believe in God’s will for us…My sister always says ‘kill people with kindness’, that is her way…..my way is ignore them, but pray for them in my own time 🙂 I would find it really difficult to be nice to someone rude…just dont partake in their venom and walk away & pray that they become a better person….that way YOU feel better for not engaging!!

  19. Marilyn permalink

    To do good to those who purposely mistreat us takes more than is humanly possible, on our own.
    With our Father’s help we can do all things, and this is one where His spirit must work through us to give us strength and achieve.

  20. Ann permalink

    I’ve been having HUGE issues with this in regards to my mother in law. Long story short, 2 yrs ago my husband and I were in a horrible car accident where 3 people lost their lives. I was 4 mths preg at the time. We recieved a large settlement from his insurance, which his mom “borrowed” about 80% of to give to a business partner and he embezeled. We’ve only recieved only about 20% repayment while she’s purchased a new big truck and building a new home. I have a lot of anger and resentment about this! Not sure how to react.

    • Ivy permalink

      Ann, the best thing to do is let go of the money and give it to God. Once you do that, you can start to heal from the monetary loss as well as the loss of trust in your mother-in-law.

      God is with you, and I pray that He holds and helps you in a special way with this situation.

  21. Rhonda permalink

    This is a very huge challenge for me. Not for those who are rude to me randomly or for those who are aquaintances of mine who might be rude. I am strong enough to be kind to them no matter what. What I have issues with is family members who consistently are mean and know they are being mean. Most of the time it seems they are thinking up ways to be mean and because I dont do anything about it to be mean, quite the opposit, they just think I am ignorant and they can still carry on with their ways. These people are Christians too. I can handle nasty comments or snubs. What I cant handle is things done to my children, their own flesh and blood, or lies that are told to cause issues in other family relationships. I might even be able to handle these situations if there had only been a few but it is a regular behavior. I can talk to them but they are hard hearted and wont listen to my pleas and tears. I am torn apart over this and feel I have no choice but to walk away and find happiness without these family members in my life. Does GOD really expect us to subject ourselves like this day in and day out, year in and year out? I am not that strong. I need happiness some of the time.

    • Manda Olckers permalink

      Rhonda, I agree – I dont think that Jesus ever meant for us to stay in the same situation if it breaks you down like this…..but then He will show you the way to go – and if you follow HIM with EVERYTHING you have…(Matt 6:33) you will get peace, love, forgiveness, JOY in our Jesus, I think that what we need is the JOY to have Jesus in our lives!!!!! Start praising and worshiping – thats the only way to keep satan out!!!!!

    • Tracie permalink

      I will pray for you Rhonda. I have dealt with family that has hurt me time over again and again. I have tried to make peace with them and they have not responed. So I have prayed, and prayed and gave it to the Lord. I have decided not to associate with them, I tried to make peace, and I am at peace with myself. I will not subject myself or my child to be hurt. I pray for them. That God’s will, will be done and not my own. May God bless you and comfort you!

    • Ivy permalink

      I don’t think God expects us to subject ourselves or our children to toxic people. Jesus set healthy boundaries with people. We have to teach our kids how to handle people like this without sinning.

      Putting distance between their harmful behaviors and you/your family is not sinful if it is done to hold them accountable as well as to protect yourselves.

      Be God’s!

  22. Lennie Roush permalink

    I humbly submit the following. I am of the opinion that many, at one time or another, are consumed with guilt for the feelings they might be having toward the ones who have treated them wrong. They feel guilty because after receiving the wrong and rude treatment they know it was wrong and don’t like it. Most people want to do what is right, but don’t like bad words, mean treatment, abusive behavior, or the like, and I do not think striking back is the answer, in fact our Lord taught against it. But it is the guilt I’m dealing with here. Why should they feel guilty? They should not! Guilt does not come from God.Correction does. God does not like rude or abusive behavior, bad words, or mean treatment but He loves sinners not the sins. God loves people, not always what they do. So, the easiest way to avoid the guilt is to Love what God loves and hate what God hates.

  23. Larry permalink

    Mark,

    Considering the American way—bigger toys, bigger houses, bigger, bigger, bigger…
    Seems we need to return to earlier days when focus was on helping others, living for the Lord, and being the person Grandma always prayed we would be…

    Larry

  24. Mike permalink

    I pray daily for the Lord to guide my thoughts, words and actions – I have 2 older brothers who are abusive, one of whom is a ‘christian’, the other is a god unto himself. The second one took my childhhod from me with physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. I am 57, and the pattern continues, but in more subtle ways. Now our mother is in intensive care so I want to be supportive but my brothers still fail to acknowledge me as a human being. I am also a man, and don’t know how to manage my anger toward these two. They are evil. Thoughts would be appreciated.

  25. Buttercup permalink

    I have a coworker who is so rude and nasty to everyone especially me because she personnaly does not like me I have tried to kill her with kindness, I tried to ignor her, I even tried talking to higher authorities but nothing. I am a person with low tolerence and the only reason why I tolerate her is because I need my job I am 2 seconds away from taking her outside and giving her the business. I go home crying alot because of her and it has gotten to the point that I have taken a greivence out on her, but thats not helping either can someone please help before I wind up in JAIL I cant deal with it no more.

    • Scott Mueller permalink

      Buttercup, I Feel Like I am Failing You, I Spent The Last 15minutes searching for a Piece of Scripture that I Read Recently, pertaining to your situation and how You can Remain true to Gods Calling. Well that Gives You Something Positive to do rather than focus on Your Troubling situation. Always go To Scripture for your comfort peace edification and strength, The Word is Our Sword in the Battles we are called to face. We Must keep in mind, in these times when the “powers and principalities” of this world are working every angle to seek to bring down those who walk in the light, that We Have a Steadfast Protector in ALL Things. But We MUST Remember to SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM AND WISDOM of GOD!!!! People today do not even realize who it is that is behind their negative and hurtful actions and attitudes. But We KNOW that it is the same one who tempted Christ in the Wilderness!!! But Through the Holy Spirit We are Given the POWER to defeat him and all his minions no matter where and how they are employed to bring down Gods Faithful. But You MUST Remain Faithful and Steadfast in Spirit By Continual Fortification Through Gods Precious and Sacred Word. DO NOT ALLOW OUR COMMON ENEMY TO BAIT YOU INTO WALKING IN his WAYS!!!! Love and Blessings in Christ Jesus

      • Buttercup permalink

        Thank you Scott, I will try my best.

    • sue permalink

      i know how u feel i work with a woman much younger than me and i dont know what i have ever done to her but for some reason she doesnt like me she quit for about a year and then she needed a job my boss came to me and asked if he could hire her back because he knew that we didnt get along when she left and i said su;re that i didnt have the problem she did and i tried to be friendly when she came back and have conversations with her but she will not talk to me at alll and when someone else comes in she talks and laughs and she is supposed to be a christian i keep praying that god will show me what to do but the stress of it all is getting to me and my health is suffering i dont know what to do i think of quiting and finding another job but i love the people i work for and hate to leave so please keep me in ur prayers and that the lord will show me what to do as i will u

      • Donna N. permalink

        Sue: Have you spoken to this young woman and tried to find out what the problem is? Rather than guessing about it, go right to the source and try to clear it up.

    • Lisa permalink

      Buttercup, I don’t know if this will help you, but how that I cope with difficult people is 1) I try to keep in mind that they are not a Christian, therefore, they are “lost” and haven’t seen the light of Christ. 2) They must be in a lot of pain in order to treat someone as horribly as they do. I truly feel sorry for people like this. Think about what they went through in life to come to be so cruel. These people need love more than anyone because they are probably so miserable in their lives and don’t get the love they need from their family or those who are supposed to love them. And they certainly don’t have the love of God in them. These people are like bullies who are in incredible pain inside and deal with it by taking it out on others so that they are not the only ones suffering. Hurt people hurt people. Think about that. I feel so sorry for them. Try to have sympathy for their situation and see their need for Christ. Maybe this will help you to pray for their salvation and pray that God will heal their pain.

  26. Tabitha permalink

    This definitely is something I need to work on. I am very quick to get angry and want to retaliate when someone is rude to me or to someone I care about. I enjoy reading these posts every day.

  27. Scott Mueller permalink

    From The Gospel of Luke…..They crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”……. Yes I Know That Jesus Was Incarnate w/ The Divinity of The Ever Loving Creator God, But If He Could ask Forgiveness For Those Who Just Drove Iron Spikes Through His Hands/Wrists and His Feet, Then We Can Certainly Forgive The Fear Based Or Envious Slings and Arrows Cast Upon Us By Those Who Know Not What They Do Because They Know Not How Loved They are By The Risen Christ. With That In Mind… It Is Easy To Pray For Them…. The Hard Part… Is Keeping Those Truths In My Mind and In My Heart!!!!

  28. wow i learned alot readn the commets on how to deal with rude people and they were wonderful answers.

  29. Wow! I needed this message this week! Thank You!!

  30. Anna permalink

    I LOVE THAT GOD HAS SUCH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

    I have had a seriously tough day, and a huge run in with someone over customer service – that person was seriously shocking on the phone (and I was the customer with a complaint!). I’ve been feeling disgruntled and angry ever since the call, and then this email pops into my inbox just before bedtime!

    This is a huge challenge to me to forgive and love instead of being angry. Being angry affects nobody except me. I feel FREE with God’s blessings…

    Praise God! And it made me LAUGH! God is good… good night!

  31. fbenne23 permalink

    wow. I just so happen to see this blog through my facebook page and its funny how it relates to a person at my job who just talks down to me and treats me bad for no reason. I realize that I have to act with love especially since I can see why she treats me so bad, her personal insecurities, so I actually dont hate her but I feel sorry for her. I will love her, then maybe she will turn around.

    • Buttercup permalink

      fbenne, thats what I am trying to do now, but sometimes it get to where I am at my last straw and what to take some type of negative action and that bothers me because I really don’t want to be a certain way, on another note I soulden’t have to deal with her insecurities at all.

  32. M Higgins permalink

    I am dealing with a person at work who continually treats me like I am too dumb to breath. I consider myself a somewhat intelligent human being and being treated this way has been causing me to go to anger. Thank you for putting this Scripture in my life. I am working everyday on treating him with kindness and respect in spite of his treatment of me. Thank you God.

  33. Can I just say: I don’t wanna!!!! Okay, done whining. Yes, this verse is hugely challenging. But, since my Lord commands it, I will do my best to obey. Not just on the outside, but the inside as well. Oh, Jesus help me obey!

  34. Elizabeth permalink

    My husbands ex has been rude for years now, though she does it in a different way.. She posts horrible and sometimes vicious things about him and us on the internet. She posts lies and slander about us and yet to our face she denies it or acts innocent.. She tells us that we are great people, even sent me a message saying this and yet she continues to say bad things on the internet.. She does not seem to realize just how many people see these posts and can pass them on.. It is very hurtful and rude but, I chose to forgive her anyway.. She is truly only hurting herself.. I pray for her that she will find peace and move on.

  35. Mike permalink

    When a person singles you out and delights in making you miserable, and gets energy from your pain, kindness doesn’t work. This is what I call evil. Kindness, compassion, gentleness, tolerance, etc. are only seen as weaknesses to be exploited. Buttercup, the only way I have found to deal with such people is to move away from them, because resolution takes two. I have broken contact with my family of origin, but still want to support my mother. I just have to get through my brothers first, because they are in charge. Psychology books seem to end before the chapter on my relatives can be written.

  36. Gene permalink

    Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the middle of wolves: be you therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

    God does want us to deal with our enemies with peace but He doesn’t want us to be used by them. People will always try and manipulate those they suspect are “weak-willed.” So they will start asking for favors knowing that by our scriptures we “must” behave. Not at all. We must always be under the guidance of the Holy Spirit which will tell us when to run&hide, or stand, or even fight back. We must be wise as serpents in our daily walk amongst the enemy, but also as harmless as doves; meaning we must not be the ones to devise plans of harm against anyone.

  37. Alisha permalink

    This past Sunday my son and I were baptized! Yay Ever since then I have felt the HOLY SPIRIT all over me This feeling is the feeling that I only thought I could get from partying,etc…If anyone would have told me that I could get a high like this by praising and worshiping JESUS I honestly would have laughed at you and I definitely would not have believed you! nOW I BELIEVE AND i WANT TO TELL EVERYONE HOW GREAT THIS FEELING IS AND I never want to let it go!!!!

  38. Gene permalink

    Another great method I’ve had AWESOME success with is if I find myself in a situation with a rude customer and I can feel Satan trying to raise up my own emotions I will calmly and peacefully say “I’m sorry but can I just step back for a second, I will be right back.” I will usually walk away a couple of feet and pray “Father, I come before you in Jesus name to ask for your peace in this situation. In Jesus name I command all of the enemy that is rising up in this situation to leave now! You have no right to attack me!” Then I will step right back in to the situation and it always seems to be defused. The person might ask “What did you do?” and I’ll tell them that I just prayed. In their confusion the frustration will often times be defused. Then just be kind and figure out what the problem is. This can also work with co-workers who seem to be on your case. I will just step back into a back room and pray and then walk back to them.

    May those who hear and UNDERSTAND be blessed in our Lord and Savior,
    Gene

  39. God says we are to be meek not weak,love every one but we do not have to like them.There is no excuse for rudeness ( I am guilty) and only thru the Holy Spirit can we win in this battle

  40. CLopez permalink

    This is for Mike and Buttercup — my advice for you is to pray for those whom have done you wrong. Seek what God wants you to do. Mike – you’re right, sometimes the only way to be able to “cope” with those who have hurt you for so long is to move away. I believe God can heal with distance and time. I know this is tough: consider forgiveness. My father was emotionally abusive and it took me years to discover what I hated about him. Once God showed me why I was hurting, He said, “Now you need to forgive him, just as I have forgiven you.” I know now the why of the saying, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” I could not do it on my own. I asked God why many times – I really did not want to forgive him. Then, I asked God for his strength to help me to forgive him. That was the only way I could! “In our weakness, He is strong…”

    • Buttercup permalink

      Thank clopez, I will take your advise and pray for her, I just hope that the devil doesn’t have that hold on her and that she opens up her heart to God. God Bless you all for all the kind words, great advise and taking the time to listen.

    • Donna N. permalink

      Wow! This is powerful.

  41. Vickie permalink

    I am wondering how can I love father who is abusive toward me when I was growing up. I moved to another state when I became a adult to be away from my dad. I have been hating him all my life until I learned from the Bible said that I have to forgive him or God will not forgive me. It strange that I finally forgave me in the letters many years ago. But when I came for a visit, somethings happen which destroy me further. I have on and off hating and angry toward my father. Man, I am quite confusing!

    • Vickie, Your letter touched me deeply.I am so glad to see you want to forgive.I took me a long to realize I can forgive & still have hurts to deal with & the Holy Spirit has revealed so much to me.I am still experiencing emotional healing.I can finally love those who hurt me.Have you accepted Jesus as your saviour? He sees in your heart & if you wait on Him He will show you the truth &set you free.I love you& will pray for you That you can find true healing.

    • forgiving does not mean trusting….I lived in an abusive relationship for many years before I loved myself enough to get out and since then God has blessed me so much…I have a great new husband, I have a better everything. Sometimes you have to let God work on the other person and let Him work on you too. Forgiveness is for you, it allows you to be forgiven but if the other party is not saved and not walking with God you cannot expect them to do right by you. I had a sister that ended her relationship with our mother for over ten years,..but I prayed on it for that long and now they talk and have gotten closer! I would not even recommend that you take abuse at all…no one deserves that and a good book to read is about boundaries…loving and learning is all we can do according to the word of God! Pray for your father and ask God to let you see Him through His eyes.

    • Ivy permalink

      I want to say that, in situations like these, we should shake the dust from our shoes and move on.

      Does that make sense to anyone else?

  42. Vickie permalink

    For correction in part “finally forgave me in the letters ” – I mean “finally forgave him in the letter’.

  43. Manda Olckers permalink

    Mark, you are so right!!!! Thank you, I needed this today – because its even people that I have forgiven before that temp you to drift away from Jesus…why? because they can – satan gave them the right to torment us – now at least I have a verse to stand on, thank you and God Bless you!!!!!

  44. Betty Baer permalink

    What works many times is if someone is saying rude things to you, stay quiet, do not defend yourself and pray silently for that person. It works everytime because there is no room for further hostility. It is over quickly. In the Bible it says, “A quiet answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stirs up anger.” We all need to pray for self control because we never know when the time comes that we will need to exercise self control.

  45. Bill permalink

    I visit several religious message boards. On all of them, people in disagreement with each other often resort to insults, sarcasm, name-calling, smear tactics, and character assassinations. Instead of firing back with the same garbage they dish out, I learned to do one of several things:

    1. Be humorous or casual about their behavior. To one guy who kept smearing and insulting me every time I posted anything, I just said his insults were worn out and tired, and that he had become quite boring.

    2. Don’t read the responses of those who smear you incessantly. I’ve often told such people that I rarely read the vicious remarks they make in response to my posts, because life is more pleasant that way.

    3. Correct their poor spelling and grammar. Of course, that has nothing to do with religious topics, but correcting poor English throws the hecklers off track.

    4. Ignore them completely and continue to post my own religious views.

  46. Though,i’m very emotional but i’ll try 2 live by those words.

  47. Glenda permalink

    Thanks Mark Yesterday one of my managers was blaming me for something I didn’t do. I tried to defend myself and he said I was arguing. I don’t think I probably handled it the way God would have handled it.

  48. Thanks for your posts,i have this horrible workmate,he hates me much for no reason even most of the time sets alot of traps to spy on me,i thank God coz he has always given a heart to forgive.Sometimes i feel like living my job.need help.

  49. Debbie Cross permalink

    Thank You Mark! I needed this scripture like never before this morning. It is hard when the person who your battle is with is within the family. Someone who you have given EVERYTHING to and done so much for! I know that I am not alone in this situation. There are so many parents out there that are struggling with: Time after time giving an adult child all of your help,taking care of their children and giving them a roof over their head in their time of need.Then to have them turn around cause havock in the household and treat you with disrespect or disown you for you troubles. Worst of all tearing your heart out by taking grandchildren away after leaving you to nurture and love them for months or years, while the adult child runs around and acts more like a teenager than an adult with small children to care for..So many scriptures have been placed before me in these past 6 months!
    The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. Luke 12:53James Bible
    My friends, you are spiritual. So if someone is trapped in a sin, you should gently lead that person back to the right path. But watch out, and don‘t be tempted yourself. You obey the law of Christ when you offer each other a helping hand. If you think you are better than others, when you really aren’t, you are wrong. Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don’t compare yourself with others. We carry our own load. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Romans 12:9-13
    ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ Romans 8:28
    ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ Proverbs 3:5
    “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
    But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. James 3:18-19
    Hebrews 13:17 (NKJV) Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.
    And yet I am human and I still hurt, worry and fret!

  50. nicholas ross permalink

    here where i live in south africa johanensburg the area i live in is mainly a black area and because i am white and my wife is black,i am sworn at,picked on,so what i do i just ignore them and keep on walking,if you do try and say something they gang up on you and then what should i do as sometimes its about 8 of them,i go in to my home and thank the lord that i am safe,but to be picked on and sworn at its not nice any way i just leave them as they are still in the dark,here in africa you got to be tough !!

  51. Kathy permalink

    It helps a lot to remember that evil spirits – demons – are at work in the world, and they have a much greater influence on humanity than most people realize. When someone is rude, mean or violent he is being controlled by an evil spirit. That person doesn’t know that he is being used. Jesus understood that, and He wanted to set the captives free! He could forgive from the cross because He knew that satan had blinded the Pharisees and was manipulating the crowd. When we understand the grip the demonic world has on us, we can feel sorry for those who mistreat us and pray for them. They are oppressed by evil! As Christians, we also have the authority to order demons to let go in the name of Jesus! Remember, satan and all of his forces tremble at the name of Jesus, and they are afraid when they hear us pray, especially when we understand that, with the Lord on our side, we can kick their butts! Satan was defeated at the cross. We should remind him of that.

  52. argenteum permalink

    As the context of applying what Mark is teaching often involves conflict resolution, would any of Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 18 apply here? Matthew 18 talks about working out conflict between a believer and his or her “brother”, but can it be applied in general to all people?

    If the “enemy” is being hurtful to us or others, can one form of showing love and kindness be a loving confrontation with that person, bring others (and the Holy Spirit, foremost of all!) with us as Matthew 18 directs?

  53. Dutch Hofstetter permalink

    The greatest event ever is that God Jesus Christ is sitting on the Top Throne in Heaven being worshipped by infinity amount of angels and saints and He is being praised and worshipped and us human sinners are down here on earth living in sin and death and we deserve death and punishment and God Jesus Christ could of smashed all of the world and we deserved it, but God Jesus Christ out of His perfect love humbles Himself and lowers Himself, He lowers Himself lower than a human, He becomes a servant, He becomes lower than a servant, He becomes a servant who is spat on, beat up, insulted, rejected, and He becomes lower than a servant who is spat on, beat up, insulted, rejected, He gets crucified, and on the Cross He says ‘Father, forgive them!’ Not once did He curse us, the perfect Savior Jesus Christ bore our sin and shame on that Cross when we deserved to be crucified and He still died for us and still loves us, and even now we still are unfaithful to Him, but He still loves us! Praise the Lord and the Savior Jesus Christ Almighty God! The people who crucified Him He came to Save and Rescue! The Savior and the Lord Jesus Christ ALmighty God Saving Power is more powerful than anything!

  54. Kristy permalink

    God Bless. I would like to start out by saying I’m not a Christian, I’ve just recently started attending a church, which I enjoy very much. my issue with Loving and enemy and being Good to an enemy is the fact that my enemies are my brother in-law and his wife. I want so badly to forgive, forget, to love and to be good but how do you do that with peopl that have know consideration for others? My brother in-law “Jay” adopted a boy about 7 years ago, Jay adored this young child and done everything he could to show his love and done everything he could to raise this child as his own. Well now that Jay has met “Mind” everything went south. Mind told Jay (this I heard with my ears) that this child was not his son, was not his blood and therefore Jay should not have to raise this child so Jay listened to the words of his now wife and the child gets left out but yet Jay loves Mind’s kids as if they were his. Now how do you show Love for an enemies like this and how to do act good to enemies who treat a child so bad? I just can’t do it at this point. God please forgive me for not being able to love these folks as I should. If anyone can help me overcome this situation and learn how to love and be good to these enemies then please tell me.

  55. Kwesi Nii permalink

    Loving ur enemies is quite a tough one. On de other hand,i beleive dat our Lord Jesus taught us how to easily 4give:make up an excuse 4 ur offenders. While on de cross,Jesus asked God to 4give dem 4 dey knew not wat dey were doing. Wen u do dat,someway somehow,de pain will reduce drastically n it’l be so easy to 4give. God bless u all.

  56. SueL permalink

    Heidi, please get some counselling asap. I do not believe this scripture means to allow someone to abuse you in this way. It is not wrong to not put up with this…sort of like,by not doing something about it a person is contributing to his delinqency in a way which is not doing him any good..so that is not loving him. Loving him is doing something about this. But you probably need someone to help you.

  57. It is so refreshing to me spiritually what you post. Most of the time is talking to me directly. Messages from the Lord which I have prayed about.
    Thank you and God bless you for continual success.

  58. funmi fayose permalink

    when people are rude to you try not to answer back but say within yourself father forgive them for they dont know what they are doing ,it is difficult but with God all things are possibe .you are not judging them it simply shows they do not know it is not polite to speak rudely

  59. Chantelle permalink

    This is certainly challenging and very inspirational, i would love to hear more on this topic as i find it very difficult to deal with rude people! And would love to be more like Jesus everyday and in everyway i can!!!!

  60. Mark permalink

    I cringed when I read your mail! I was thinking that I was doing it to the best of my ability, loving my enemies, but boy am I some distance away from truly accomplishing that! I still have some ways to go, bcuz I cringed at the idea, or command from God to treat the person who just cut me off on the highway even though I indicated that there was no room to do so! Or even the person who slandered my name! Jesus is Lord!

  61. Laurel Hays permalink

    I agree we need to respond in love, even though it’s not always easy. I have a couple of co-workers that seem to go out of their way to be rude to myself, or others at work. Over the years I’ve gotten to where I can either laugh it off, or respond in kindness no matter what they say (or how they say it). There are still days I’d love to be very ungodly toward them, but God keeps me on track as long as I allow Him to 🙂

  62. Yes, I agree sometimes people say things to us that makes us want to lose our religion at times! But, regardless of the situation, we don’t know what that person’s going thru at that moment, just maybe they are blowing of steam….So I try to make a conscious decision to treat that person as if they had just asked me the time. I refuse to let another HUMAN BEING control my emotions!!! Basically the nastier they get, the nicer I speak back or just look at them like, ok are you finished yet? Some people have to be rude and nasty to others to make them feel better about themselves, I say ‘whatever’. I love to just look at the person and let them talk all they want then just walk away. I have more important things to fret about than the rudeness of people who have nothing better todo with themselves…I say kill them with kindness!!!

  63. @ Bill… LOL! Great comment.

    To my brother’s and sister’s: I always feel so blessed when there is a topic that I can completely relate to. I feel that the Lord uses this site to confirm to me in His way, that when I seek guidence for life utilizing His word, that I will find all of the right answers to my problems.

    I’m currently having huge issues with my mother (it’s been a battle between her and I for the past 8 yrs) and I couldn’t sleep last night praying on the issue and seeking guidence from our Father.

    Reading everyone’s posting took me back to another recent issue I had with a former boyfriend that was evil towards me and I utilized scripture and prayer to help guide me to a solution to the problem and I just realized that I need to look back at the method in order to move forward in resolving the current problem I have. Learning how to love those that hurt you, to have mercy on them for their shortcomings and lack of knowledge, and to seek scripture for guidance will ALWAYS BE CHALLENGING for me. Because at one point in my life I was a person of the flesh and not of spiritual guidence; but I need to battle with that everyday if I expect to recieve the blessings that our heavenly father has for me.

    The following scriptures helped me deal with my last battle. I hope to use these scriptures and others to deal with my current battle. If this helps anyone heal and move forward with their pain, then I will feel blessed! God bless you all!

    — “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” – Proverbs 12:16
    — “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18
    — “You must purge the evil from among you.” – Deuteronomy 19:19
    — “Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,” – Colossians 3:5-10
    — “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” – Colossians 3:12-13

  64. Elleke permalink

    If they are just rude, you can just ignore it. If the rudeness continues, then don’t be rude back. A polite answer worded correctly and respectfully delivered will sometimes disable the rude person. But when it gets abusive, you have to do something. I don’t think turning the other cheek means allowing someone to physically or emotionally damage you continually. The meek shall inherit the earth. I believe in ancient terms these things mean to do the unexpected with assertiveness and with LOVE. We cannot get through to people by allowing them to run over us. We have to deal with them. Turning the other cheek means the person slapping you has to slap the second time with the palm of his hand rather than the back of it if he uses the same hand. In ancient times, this slapping with the palm noted an equality, meaning that the abuser had just enabled the person who was being abused by treating him as if he was an equal. By not slapping back but allowing the abuser to equalize he opens himself up for something out of the ordinary. Combat by love. Who can respect someone and still bully him?
    Meek people are not wimps. They are humble but still grounded in the faith that enables them to turn the other cheek.

  65. Jayne permalink

    I have learned that forgiveness isn’t an emotion it’s something we do. Forgiveness is a verb. So, when we respond to someone who is rude with kindness we are showing them that we forgive them. When Jesus tells us in the Bible how we should respond to others He is not giving us suggestions we can pick and choose from. He is gently rebuking, correcting and teaching us His commands and we need to be obedient to them.

  66. Jay permalink

    Something my dad always days that reminds me what forgiveness is:

    When Jesus was on the cross his arms were stretched out. Not in a position to fight back at the injustice He suffered. But outstretched arms, outstretched in love to us, outstretched to take on all the hurt that kept coming.

    I think forgiving someone is accepting the pain they have caused you…and may continue to cause you

    It’s letting go and remembering you’re just as bad as your enemy. And Jesus still died for you

    I struggle so much with forgiving, which is why I wanted to share this reminder. Christ always will expect forgiveness of us because He forgave us and you can run for a long time but eventually you have to turn and face Him with your anger

  67. amanda permalink

    It sure is a challenge!!!! It’s hard to do sometimes but we do it because Christs love is in us!

  68. Bo Talbert permalink

    It seems it much harder to bite the tongue than open the heart. I too have struggled with rude people and have been rude myself. In the wake of all that has happened in my life, I try harder to love than respond to rudeness. Great Verse, Mark.

  69. The Key ingredient Love. thank you for this wonderful teaching.

  70. Asprine permalink

    Thanks, Mark! The scriptures is challenging! Most of the time, when I open the Bible, it feels like God is giving me advices as it relates to trials and tribulation I’m facing in daily life.

    Recently, I had an argument with my friend which others look to us as best buddies. I said sorry to her even if I’m not in the fault. However, the scar is already there and we barely talk at all. I still pray for her and wish her well.

    God bless you & take care! 🙂

  71. Options (beta)
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    2 Corinthians 6
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    6:1 Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. 2 For he says,

    “In a favorable time I listened to you,
    and in a day of salvation I have helped you.”

    Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. 3 We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, 4 but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, 5 beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; 6 by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; 7 by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; 8 through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; 9 as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; 10 as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.

    11 We have spoken freely to you, [1] Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

    The Temple of the Living God
    14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? [2] Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

    “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
    and I will be their God,
    and they shall be my people.
    17 Therefore go out from their midst,
    and be separate from them, says the Lord,
    and touch no unclean thing;
    then I will welcome you,
    18 and I will be a father to you,
    and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
    says the Lord Almighty.”

  72. Rudolf permalink

    I heard a pastor preach on something like this and he said: “It is not our action that gets us into trouble, but our reaction.

  73. And I have one more, Forgive if it is a lengthy reference but seriously we are to consider all the Lord teaches and balance wisely! Certainly agree the first holds true but mature discernment also means listening and doing more of what wisdom suggests but we are to be careful and prayful through the decision making process. I believe that Christians can be really rude and if we apply the scriptures to believers then they are willing to recieve correction but non believers can get really vicious. Help me rise higher ABOVE EACH STORM LORD JESUS AND BE THE BIGGER PERSON Truely we are to do all we can to be vessles who reach upwards first and then outward as the Lord directs. He knows our strengths even better than we do!

  74. Kattie permalink

    Most of the time when someone is rude , I just feel really bad for them, what a horrible place to be in your life where you have no joy or hope. So dark and sometimes even disturbed , if you really listen most of the time you can hear the underlying cause. We live in a secular world, got to be that ray of hope for them.

  75. Katherine permalink

    This is one I struggle with always!! It seems to be a battlefield out there and the negative comments are hard to get out of your head. But there is another scripture that reminds us (as many of you said–to pray) “We do not battle against flesh and blood….” We often forget that we are in a battle. That we must be ready to fight, be alert… the enemy is prowling and all the more greater as the DAY approaches. It is not the person but the work of the enemy in that person that is attacking you… Even Jesus spoke to his own disciple and said, “Get the behind me Satan”
    Prayer is key, be battle ready–wear your armor, seek God, read the word, walk in THE LIGHT…
    God is with us and He provides the strength we need in every and all circumstances. Look to HIM.
    I know I am… because I can’t do this one either… I am so weak in this area. But I am beginning to see it more and more for what it truly is.
    God Bless you all as you walk with HIM in Love to others especially those who are not so easy to love.
    Lord, help each of us in this area. You comanded that we walk in love to our enemies and Lord we believe right now that you will empower us to do so. Lord give us the words to say, show us how to do this I pray. Thank you Lord for your goodness to us. For being a loving expample even on the cross. Lord keep our hearts and minds focused on you. In Jesus name, Amen.

  76. If anyone has the canhce to, watch Furious Love. It is a new movie http://www.furiouslovethemovie.com it shows living like this and is very eye-opening

  77. Kim permalink

    Funny I should come across this reflection tonight as I’ve been struggling with anger all afternoon over something a neighbor did to me that I thought was a friendly acquaintance. After every burst of anger, I prayed. Now this! I will work hard to treat her kindly.

  78. God loves you and whatever you do to your neighbor you do it for God,

  79. DANIEL R. MARTIN permalink

    THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL IS LOVE…THAT COMES FROM GOD…
    LOVE CONQUERS ALL…LOVE NEVER FAILS…

  80. I believe in those words whole heartily, I continually run into rude people and trust me it’s a challenge living as Christ would because people have a tendency to abuse your Christianity and try to walk all over you with rude and/or indirect comments, as well as, doing hurtful things to you then pretend they don’t remember doing them or in hopes that you’ve forgotten even after you’ve forgiven them, but vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, their own conscience will kill them from within…

  81. Shell permalink

    The words of God written above were the most powerful words of all!! I had a thought in the middle of reading all of that.. of how I might respond to someone

    “I love you so deeply and that is why I cannot allow you to treat me this way. Because I love you I am going to walk away and pray. Your actions are unacceptable to me. I will continue to pray for you. I love you.”

    Loving the sinner and not the sin. I am working on forgiveness in a Celebrate Recovery 12 step group .. the book says that forgiving is for me to ease my hurts and let go of my pain and not so much for their benefit. I am trusting God to help me with that and deal with them.

    The key point in that step for me was that forgiving others is not excusing what they did. That helped me a lot.

    I too struggle with on going close relationship issues with my husband and a verbally abusive son. Both of Christian faith. I struggle with the cursing in my presence and anger outbursst in the car lets say.. by day and then the holy Godly presence they put on before small groups of Christians.. like they are so very deep and holy…. I would like Christ likeness be a 7 day a week gig.. not just in front of peers.

    I am doing my devotions and praying for them more and it seems to help me…

    When I think of Gods vengeance directed toward my loved ones it is easier for me to ask “Forgive them Lord they know not what they do”

    I also like to remember like another person said, that the angry people we encounter may have been deeply hurt, just through a death, abandoned, abused? We don’t know and if we can find compassion in ourselves for them it will calm our response and fuel our prayers.. My love goes out to all of you!!

  82. Karen permalink

    I honestly believe that most people that are angry are not angry with us, but with themselves. Things haven’t gone the way THEY want them to go. Sometimes things go the way they do so we can learn from the outcome. Sometimes things go the way they do so God can see just how faithful a person is. I feel sorry for people that are angry. I say a prayer for their happiness. If they bother me, I turn the other cheek by turning completely around and walking away from the situation. I have also been known to look at someone and simply say, “God loves you.” They usually don’t even have a response to that one!!!

  83. John Ward permalink

    I am on a journey with my Heavenly Father for a number of years now and look forward to seeing Him face to face. Along the way I have learnt and am still learning how to deal with situations in a godly righteous way. Someone quite rightly said that we are all a work in progress which will be brought to completion on that glorious day.

    1) I don’t always act like I should and IF this happens His grace is sufficient, for in my weakness He is strong. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. We walk not under the cloud of condemnation but under the Spirit of conviction.
    2)Rom 12:18-19″ If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.19 Beloved do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
    You are not a doormat to anyone. No matter what anyone says about you or does to you, God has only good thoughts about you.
    3) 1Samuel 15:22″ To obey is better than sacrifice..”
    Obedience to God and His word is better than anything else no matter how good it looks.It is easy to obey and praise God when things are going well, however when we learn to praise God in the storms of life we find His blessed Peace.
    4)Heb 11:6″ But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”Heb 6:15″ And so, after he had patiently endured,he obtained the promise.” I have learnt that endurance breeds faith and faith breeds endurance, there is no quick fix.

    There are many people whose postings I can attest to as I have been through many of the things that they have been through or find themselves in at the present moment and what I have learnt out of all the experiences I have had is this:

    An argument can only take place between 2 not 1. A fire can only grow bigger if it is stoked or fed, if you pour water on it it will die. You cannot have peace if you don’t know the source of peace and you cannot know the source of peace if you don’t spend time in the blessed peace. If you want respect, you need to give respect.

    In His Majesties service Through His Majesties service For His Majesties service.
    Yours in Christ Jesus
    John
    South Korea

  84. Connie permalink

    I have had personal experience holding on to the feeling of wanting to be revengeful to someone who assaulted me. A few months after this ordeal I develop severe anxiety attacks and depression, which lasted nearly two years. I physically had many issues as well. It is a very scary thing to not feel in control of your emotions or bodies reaction to emotional overload. All from wanting to do physical harm to someone I didn’t even know who had hurt me.

    My emotional and physical well-being did not get back to “normal” until I gave up the desire of wanting to get even with this person and gave the vengeance over to God. When I claimed the verse that says “Vengeance is MINE sayeth the LORD!” and gave this person over to God to deal with, my body and mind started to heal. No it was not an instantaneous event for me. It was a process.

    Even though the nearly two years that I felt emotionally overloaded I did have one of the largest and deepest spiritual growth periods in my life. Many days and nights in prayer, Bible reading, singing praises and journaling.

  85. Don Basile permalink

    Yah, Mark, this is a real hard one for me. I now it’s His Will, but usually end up just staying away from those that I don’t get along with or disagree exsesively with. I mean I can stay away and pray for them and pray for at least the willingness to love them. This does work for me, but man … It sure isn’t easy sometimes. I’ll keep pluggin’ away. 2 Peter, right?

  86. Lydia Reyes permalink

    My job puts me in a position in dealing with the public and some of the time some can get very rude. All I can tell you is that on my own I could not bear with rudeness but I found out that coming to my Lord for all, I can handle these situation alot better. When God commands us to forgive and love those who hurt you, he is not sending you alone. He expects us to depend on him for all. So humble yourself before him and he will direct your path no matter where it takes you . We are in a battle with the evil one and all the principalities of this world and only by repenting for our sins, Staying in the word of God, praying, and just surrending all to him can we learn to love and forgive as he does .Jesus said that he will send the Holy Spirit to help us and so it shall be.

  87. Sister Pam OP permalink

    I have failed in this more times than I care to remember and I ask for forgiveness. Rudeness has become part of the American culture and is difficult to deal with. Prayer. forgiveness and love are the only answers.

  88. Rita Pariyar permalink

    That is really hard to do but God will help us, we can’t do from our own heart but bye the Grace of God’s heart.

  89. Andrea McGriff permalink

    This is especially hard if the rude person is a member of your family,and the rudeness is directed toward someone close to you that you love. God help me to respond the way YOU would have me to. It’s really hard to do.

  90. The motto should be “Love all, Serve all” and ” Help ever, Hurt Never”

    Narayanan
    http://www.chapter18.wordpress.com

  91. verity permalink

    thank you soo much for this message. Someone at work was rude to me yesterday and that got me soo angry and upset. Although I didn’t reply I was hurt and devising means of lashing back at the person. Later on at nite I prayed about it and asked God to help me forgive him buh still when it comes to mind the hurt becomes fresh again and evil thoughts of hurting the person back resurfaces.
    Your article makes me see now that I am not alone in this and that day in and day out others are facing this too. Now am in a better position to wholly let go.
    Thank you and god bless you

  92. My Superviser at work is always very rude to me and she speaks to me like I am nothing, She is always trying to find things to report me to my manager to get me in trouble. I have tried to be nice and not to speak back the way she speaks to me but it doesn’t work. She is still nasty, and i get so frustrated.I really don’t know how to handle it.

  93. Rebekah Smith permalink

    Unfortunetly I live with a rude person daily. My husband. He is very critical of me and when he’s angry at me, he says foul things and calls me names. It is very hard to love him. I have to ask Jesus daily to help me. It’s an unnatural response to do this but with Jesus, he gives me strength. Many times He just tells me to be quiet and let him work things out. There’s nothing good that’s going to come out of fueling the fire and fighting back. He also reminds me that usually people remember the last thing that was said or heard. He also reminds me that I’m not perfect so……..

    • Rebekah, I hope you read this. I have a LONG history of rejection by loved ones. Last week, I came across a passage of Scripture where Jesus went back and visited his hometown that kind of stuck out at me. If you’d like, you can read my thoughts on it on my blog page. It’s the one titled, “Screw ‘Em…”

  94. My anger is racism,It is still amongst us,And ppl fell to relize that.Either they do or they jus dont wanna admit it.My other concern is that it gets to my kids and I dont like that one bit.So what r u suppose to do when u have ppl that throw race around all day.

  95. Hello from Ukraine !

    This the interesting article, thank you for it.

    I believe I will print, then post it to my Parliament for future, of certainty yesterday our Politicians in Kiev could have done well to read this !

    Sincerely,

    Marina.

    Rivne – UA.

  96. Misspring permalink

    Not just people can be rude. I asked help from the Huffington Post,and they banned my comments-rudely.

  97. Much of the above centers on the aspect of forgiving:

    I agree that to forgive is usually something beneficial for the forgiving (and often for the forgiven), but the Bible’s take is a very tall order for a human—after all, to err is human, to forgive is divine.

    Oscar Wilde once said something that is better suited for most of us (if noticeably less noble):

    “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”

    (http://thinkexist.com/quotation/always_forgive_your_enemies-nothing_annoys_them/217389.html)

    The second half of the statement is likely false—but that can often even be an advantage in the big picture. Meanwhile, the statement as a whole makes it far easier to overcome the resistance against forgiving.

  98. stealthette permalink

    I’m more science than god, but I’ve been brought up to react this way to nasty people and it alway works!

  99. Mike permalink

    Today I cut all ties with my family of origin. I have concluded that nothing positive can come from trying to associate with them. Does it really pay to say, “I forgive you” after 98 kicks to the groin, when they’re already winding up for #99? I think not.

  100. lucy ng permalink

    Talking about forgiving enemies! I’ve got my experience with GOD. During Lent I was told by the priest to forgive. So I went for confession and said I choose to forgive all my enemies (mention only 2 names but forgot one particular person)
    Imagine to my surprise the guy whom I forgot came to my office bearing a gift which he kept some 6 months left the office gave everyone but ME!!!See how great GOD can turn situations around to show me that even our enemies can turn over even if we forgot but GOD never forgets!!!!

  101. Larrythe Wrightguy permalink

    70 times 7

  102. My pastor passed on something he had heard awhile back that made absolute sense to me. “Christians are always trying to learn new ways to become better people, when really all they need to do is APPLY the principles they have already been taught.” Makes sense to me 🙂 Great post; I’m looking forward to reading more 🙂

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